Weigh-In Wednesday: Pets

I keep getting word from around the blogoshere that my posts are taking days to update on other people's blog trackers. I think I may have fixed it, at least temporarily, but by the time this updates you may be several posts behind. Oh well, you should know to check here regularly. You know I can't keep my mouth shut for long.

I posted for Brittney earlier today, since I have left her sitting on deck for way too long, but then I remembered that I had not done a weigh-in for a really long time. So here it is, the first ever post-holiday weigh-in that won't have you sweating.

Today I want to talk to you about pets.

I am not an animal lover. Sorry, don't stone me. I do not wish animals any harm. I just wish that they had never been domesticated. I find it highly unnatural to have a four legged furry creature in my home. It clearly doesn't belong here. I don't know who decided otherwise?

I went through a brief phase as a child where I thought I liked cats, but I soon realized that I was mistaken. I have never liked dogs. I am afraid of them, to tell the truth.

I also have a psychological allergy to animal hair. It is not real, and I know that, but if someone's pet walks by me or sits on the same couch I am on, I will start to itch and feel dirty and gross. If the said beast rubs up against me, I will need to shower immediately to eliminate the risk of scratching all of my skin completely off. I am so creeped out by pet hair.

I am also completely freaked out by pet feces. I have said this before and I will say it again, mostly because it made Valerie laugh and I like to make people laugh, but also because it makes perfect sense to me. Imagine you came to my house and tried to sit on my couch totally naked. I would not allow it. Now imagine that you took your naked self to the bathroom and then returned with an unwiped butt and unwashed hands and tried again to sit down, and maybe even started licking yourself for good measure. I would destroy my couch, with you on it. But people let their pets do exactly that. I can't wrap my head around why that is okay. It is so clearly not okay to me. Unless I can find a pet that wipes it's butt and puts on a pair of pants, well, I just don't think we'd be compatible.

That said, I love my children. I have always hoped that they would not like animals because I have just known that there was no way I could have one living in my house. Two out of my three kiddos hate animals. Again, not maliciously, just in a these-do-not-belong-in-our-house kind of way.

And then there is that other child. The one who has had imaginary pets since birth. Imaginary pets that I was afraid she might actually see, because at three years old she would have sobbing fits when her dog, Mimi, would get out of her imaginary cage. I would try to suggest that I had found Mimi under the table and my sweet child would go berserk and tell me that I wasn't funny and not to pretend Mimi was under the table when she wasn't. Alyssa was born an animal lover, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Seth would also like a dog, a big one. His best friend growing up had a big fat fuzzy, shed all over the house Husky, and Seth wants a dog just like her. Here's the problem, the people who are home all day every day, and would have to entertain and potty train a pet are all 3 afraid of animals. It just doesn't make any sense to bring an animal into this house.

But our friends, Mike and Jen disagree with my views on cohabiting with four legged life forms, and are building a small pet shelter in their house as of late. They already had a dog and a cat, but last week they got a new kitten and Alyssa was well, smitten.

We had to hear every argument in the world for why she should get a cat, about how it would be so much easier than a dog (although she really wants a dog most), and it wouldn't be viscous, or smelly or annoying. She attempted to convince me that she would change the litter box and feed the cat, etc. Seth doesn't even like cats too much but I could see that he was semi on board with her although he started pushing for a dog. I tried again to explain how absurd it would be to get a pet and leave it home with me all day, especially since we live in a place where an outdoor pet is not an option, unless we want a dogsicle.

Then I started to think about a post that I wrote recently, about my Papa. I wrote about how he saved my cat's life even though it was impractical and unadvised, because he loved me that much. I thought about how much I love my kids, and I was left wondering if I could even continue to thrive in an environment with a pet. I do love my kids enough to make sacrifices for them, I really do. I just wondered if this particular sacrifice would end with me in the loony bin.

In the interest of keeping an open mind, we took Alyssa out to look at cats and I am not kidding when I tell you that just looking at them through glass made my skin itch. Just walking through the pet store and looking at food and litter boxes made me feel like I had been doused in kitty litter and needed to bathe posthaste. I found the whole thing repulsive, and it didn't help that there were mice and other rodents in the pet store for sale. Seriously? Who is crazy enough to pay money to have a rodent in their house? Ick!!!

We priced everything, the cost of the animal itself, the cost of food, the cost of supplies, the cost of my sanity, and then we went home and talked to Alyssa about what it would take to get a pet. How we could save, and how she would have to prove herself responsible by doing her chores and....oh wait a minute, suddenly a pet was not that urgent. For the first time I appreciated the laziness of my daughter who does not want to clean the basement, and therefore will certainly not want to clean up bags of dust and cat poo from the litter box. Crisis averted, for now. But I am sure it is only a matter of time before she asks again.

This is where you come in. How do you feel about pets? Do you have any now? Have you ever had any? What's better, a dog or a cat? Are you itchy just reading about this? I am, no lie.

Alright, have at it.