This year I resolve to....

It is time again for the word of the year. I would review last year's word, RISK, but I am talking too much this year, already, so I will spare you. I will say that I did okay. I answered the phone more, and the door (almost always) and I exposed myself in a very open and honest way here on the blog which was both therapeutic and scary. I still have work to do and I am keeping risk in my back pocket this year, but it is time to focus on a new word.

I started thinking about a new word about a month ago. There are so many things that I need to work on. My mind was running through about a million words per minute, but none of them felt right...until a few weeks ago.

I was sitting in a church meeting and we were trying to come up with a ward theme and scripture for the year. While everyone else was throwing out ideas, I was silently thinking what a waste of time it was. No one even knows about the scripture and theme. I never did until I had to attend these meetings. I bet if I asked 95% of our congregation, they would have no idea what the theme and scripture are, or that we even have one. As ideas were being thrown around, a scripture was suggested that I really liked. We all did. It reads, "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass (Alma 37:6)". Then someone offered Never postpone a prompting, a President Monson quote, as a possible theme, and voila we had our 2010 scripture and theme (which we will never use). My mind started to spin around the idea of what can be accomplished through small and simple things, and around the idea of heeding the promptings of the Spirit immediately, and always.

I left these ideas to mosh around in the back of my mind. They combined with another concept that had already taken up residence back there earlier in the month when I read the Visiting Teaching message for December. I loved the message so much. It made me wish that I had actually gone in to the homes of the sisters I visit and delved in to the richness of the message, instead of resorting to the standard December cookie platter drop off. The quote that planted itself in my head, and is now so deeply entrenched that I don't think it can ever be uprooted, was from President Dieter Uchtdorf, who is fast becoming one of my favorite speakers.

He said, "Disciples of Christ throughout all ages of the world have been distinguished by their compassion. … In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers”.

Those words came as an answer to a prayer that I have had for many years. I want to be more charitable. I pray like a woman possessed. If I see someone grieving on the news, I pray. If you are having a baby, surgery, a bad day, I pray. I pray every time I drive (old mission habit). I pray every time I work. I pray before I make a decision. I pray for many of you every single day.

But I have always know that it is not enough. I know that God hears and answers prayers and that it is important to go to Him in faith, but I also know that He needs more from me.

I am already a super compassionate person.

When someone has a baby I am the first one there with gifts, and food and offers to babysit siblings.
When someone is sick, ding-dong, there I am with chicken soup.
When someone is hungry I feed them.
When a child is missing in Primary I call or stop by with cookies.
I invite other families over for dinner.
If someone looks lonely, I call to say hello or arrange a time to get together.
I schedule girls nights with the church girls since none of us have family here and I want them to know that I care about them.
I spontaneously call people when they come to my mind, just to see if they need me.

I do all of this and so much more. I am a compassionate service superhero,

In my mind!

Heavenly Father has blessed me with a mind that is constantly thinking of other people, but I have also been given the challenge of having fears and anxiety. How often do I actually follow through with the acts of service in my mind?

NOT. OFTEN. ENOUGH!

Not nearly.

I sit at home when I get a prompting and play the whole, Heavenly Father, was that you? game. Sometime I dismiss promptings as figments of my own wandering mind. Sometimes I go so far as to plan a fun act of service and then chicken out. Then I go to Heavenly Father and say, you know how crazy I am, you know I can't call that person that I barely know, or go knock on that door, you know this Heavenly Father, but you also know my heart. You know that I really really want to, and you know that I really really care about your children, so please bless them with XYZ. Amen.

And sometimes, only sometimes, I actually follow through.

I have the best intentions. I really do, but as my ultra-blunt Grandma king will remind you if you even say the word intentions, "The path to Hell is paved with good intentions".

Well, I am paving that road beautifully. It is a custom work of art, and I am getting very close to my destination. Problem is, there is another road that I am building. The road I want to travel, but it is just a few homely bricks scattered arbitrarily. I want to focus on that road. I want to follow through with what I intend to do, even if it is scary or embarrassing. I want to make my hands available to Heavenly Father, as an instrument to assist in answering all those prayers I fling upward.

I want to serve my family, my friends and the members of my church but I also want to look for ways to serve in my community, and for new doors to open. Recently I had an interview with a member of the Stake Presidency. We talked about Primary and the 70+ kids that come to church each week. We talked about the 40+ who are on the roles, but never come. Then he asked about the 1000+ kids in our boundaries who are not of our faith. He reminded me that my stewardship is over all the kids in this entire county, and not just the ones who fill the Primary room. I am not assigned to drag them all in to Primary, but to love and serve them.

I need to do more in my community. I need to reach out to all of God's children everywhere. In 5 years in Wisconsin I have not made a single friend outside of church. I am casual friends with the parents of some of my kid's friends, but I have not extended my reach far enough. I want to do that now.

So this year, it is my goal to learn what Heavenly Father is asking me to do. I want to study harder so that I can discern the things of the Spirit. I want to get down on my knees in prayer, and then before I say Amen, I want to set my feet in motion and...

ACT

There it is. Act is my word for 2010.

* In case you care, this story goes on.

On Friday morning, the bus still hadn't come and my "front door neighbor" (as Alyssa calls them) knocked on the door and asked if I wanted her to take Alyssa to school. Sadly enough, I have been avoiding this neighbor all year. She waits with her girls at the bus stop in front of my house, and I watch from the window for the bus to come around the corner and then shove Alyssa out the door just in time to catch it, without having to go out and be social. I am not trying to be rude, I am just rushed in the morning and never dressed and too embarrassed to go out. So when she knocked and caught me in my bralessness I felt very ashamed of myself for being so rude all year. She introduced herself and told me she had plenty of carseats. I agreed to let Alyssa go.

Then all day long I thought about this act of service and how undeserving a candidate I was. I thought that I should make cookies and go over and apologize for my rudeness and introduce myself more appropriately, with a bra on, even. I second guessed myself all day. She would surely think I was a total dork, but I eventually started making cookies, intending to run out and hand them to her when the bus came after school so that I wouldn't have to knock on her door.

My sister was home from work that day, so I was on the phone with her when the bus came. I missed my window. I spent the rest of the afternoon with tingly armpits and mammoth butterflies in my stomach, trying to convince myself that it would be complete foolishness to go take the cookies across the street. I asked Alyssa about the ride to school and she said that while the neighbor was snowblowing her driveway the bus finally came. She didn't even end up taking her. I could totally get out of this, right? No, she had still offered and she never mentioned that her driveway still needed to be cleared. Mine was already clear; she should have asked me to take them. But she never even mentioned that. Her act was selfless and I had to thank her.

I procrastinated until 2 minutes before we were supposed to be at our friend's fish fry and took Alyssa across the street with me. My neighbors were so nice. They welcomed us in and introduced all their kids. The girls talked about their dolls, and we met their little brother who will be in Kindergarten with Alex next year. I stayed for about 10 minutes and they were so kind that I didn't even leave worrying that they were making fun of me after my departure. I had just asked Heavenly Father to help me reach out. He threw me right in to the fire, and I actually went in. And now I remember that there is nothing we can not do, with His help.

Now I am excited for 2010, the year when I finally

ACT.