Day 9- Something You're Proud of in the Last Few Days
We had parent/teacher conference last Thursday and I am proud of my kids. They are so different, and strong in totally different ways. I love that they are different, and can excel in different ways without trying to compete or compare.
Alyssa is our undercover brainiac. She doesn't study or seek for academic success. She is just smart. She has a kind of negative teacher, who always finds something to put her down for, even while showing me her straight A report card. This time the teacher couldn't help compliment her since her standardized tests came back way in the advanced range. She told me Alyssa is easily her smartest student. She even suggested she might be a writer when she grows up, which I am sure had me beaming. Then came the negatives, but we finally got a compliment from the teacher who is usually all about tough love so we'll take it.
She did accuse Alyssa of not trying very hard, and said she just sits when her work is done and never pulls out a book or anything. Funny, because at home she reads a book a day. So Alyssa is a bit of a slacker and I don't know if she wants to be smart, but she is. I mentioned before that she got straight A's, but I fibbed a bit. She got a C in PE. Her teacher suggested that I go talk to the gym teacher because no one else in the class got a C. She suggested that should be an easy A or B. I had to laugh. I pulled C's, or worse, in PE all my life. PE was torture to me, so I say a C is passing, and I am happy with a C. Her teacher also suggested that Alyssa is purposely answering questions inaudibly in an attempt to "control her". Another suggestion I laughed at. Do you know Alyssa? I know Alyssa and being put on the spot scares her to death. Just two weeks ago I saw her suffer through a talk in Primary and then burst into tears when it was over and sob in her daddy's arms. Even family prayers scare her unless she volunteers, so we have put her in charge of assigning someone to pray. I assured the teacher that we are working on it, but that she is not secretly trying to control her. She is shy. I am the same way. I will make a fool of myself from sun up to sun down, and beyond, as long as it's on my own terms. But if you put me on the spot, I wither and fade away. It is not something I am happy to have passed down, but I 100% understand how she feels. In the end we survived our torture session and I still walked away very proud of my little girl.
Then we went off to Alex's class. We sat down and Alex was climbing all over me, and kissing my cheeks, and turning backward in his chair. Just typical Alex. His teacher asked him where all the goofiness was coming from. I looked at her like...have you met my son? She went on to tell me that he is never like that at school, and that he is the most driven, hardest worker in the class. She claims that he is the first one to jump up at cleaning time and that he hustles until the mess is gone. She informed me that he focuses on his assignments so intently and completes them in record time, so she has to give him extra projects to do, and that he loves to staple papers together and write and illustrate little books. That I actually did know, because he uses all the computer paper doing that at home, but the rest was like being introduced to a whole new Alex. My Alex, who I refused to medicate no matter how many people insisted it was "the right thing", has learned to channel all of his energy into his school work.
Since the reviews were good we stopped by the book fair and everyone picked a book (Chloe too), and then we grabbed McDonalds on the way home. Seth was out of town so I called him to give him the report. After telling him that Alyssa won't read at school, and Alex doesn't wiggle he said, "so you're telling me that our kids have split personalities?" Ha,Ha! Maybe, but I am proud of those little monkeys, whoever they really are?
*For those who might ask why I leave Alyssa in with a tough teacher, I will tell you. In life we don't always get to choose who we work for, or with, so I never request teachers for my kids. I want my kids to learn skills that they will need in real life. I also like that this teacher holds Alyssa accountable. I do not like that she is insulting. Our conference in November was awful. I don't mind her telling me where Alyssa could improve but she didn't say ONE good thing about her, a straight A student. But all of Alyssa's other teachers have let her get away with not doing homework and slacking in class because she got good grades. This teacher will not stand for that, so Alyssa has learned better study habits. She knows there are consequences if her work is not completed. I admit that I was happy to get some positive feedback this time. I think it is damaging to a child to give all praise, or all criticism. No one is good at everything, but everyone is good at something.
Second Week of School
3 years ago
13 comments:
Alyssa and Alex - so proud of you guys. I agree about not changing teachers and perhaps you learned that at home? We all have to learn to deal with difficult people, teachers, bosses, and even people at church. There was one teacher I probably should have changed for you before you resorted to calling her a derogatory name in conference. Ah yes I miss those days. Enjoy the good conferences and in all fairness tell them about a few of your's.
You have every right to be proud of all your little monkeys. They are awesome - and I love that Alyssa has your writing skills. Can't wait to read her writing. Alex is adorable and how fun that he's doing so well in school! I think you're wise with Alyssa's teacher, as long as she isn't so caustic that it's damaging Alyssa. Doesn't sound like it.
I have to admit I was surprised, too, about what you heard about your little students. Not that I don't believe it, but I can attest to only knowing Alex as the squirrely, wiggly kid who never seems to be paying attention. Of course, Mimi's teacher surprised us with a similar report about her. I thought she must be mistaken since my Mimi is loud, touchy/feely, and seems to always be in her own world.
As far as Alyssa, she's usually just so quiet that I never get a chance to see her little brain in action. However, I can definitely see how she is just like you in many ways, and you're certainly an intellectual.
I love your last paragraph!! I couldn't put it any other way. Our goal as parents is to prepare our children to one day go off and be successful citizens. So many parents these days will yank their students from a teacher because they don't like their teaching style or will go to great lengths to make sure they are assigned the "best" teacher available. If we are constantly trying to put our children into "perfect" situations their whole life than they will never develop the maturity or skills to live in the real world where you won't always get to choose your boss, work environment, co-workers, neighbors, people who you have to associate with, etc. We do our children such a disservice if we shelter them their entire lives and expect them to succeed in the real world one day.
We have friends who homeschooled their kids up until high school. They then sent them to the most expensive prep school in the state. One of their boys did just fine in his new environment and went on to finish college and get a successful start to a career.
The other son, not so much. He immediately butt heads with the teachers and constantly complained that that school was "not for him". So rather than push him to make it work, the parents pulled him out of the school and finished off his high school career with homeschooling. (Please don't take this as a stand against homeschooling because I do feel it can be very successful if done right.) So what is that son doing now. Oh, let's see...he got a girl pregnant, has never held a job for more than a couple of months, doesn't even work now while he lives in his parents' Utah vacation home snowboarding every day, hasn't even considered going to college, etc. Another words, the kid is one big L-O-S-E-R. Because his parents always tried to work around his "learning style" and make sure HE was comfortable with the situation he was in, they have basically ruined his life and made it so he'll never be a hard-working, productive adult.
Ok, I'll step off my soap box now.
I agree that kids have to learn to deal with hard people but you do have to be careful that you don't leave them with someone that is so negative that they began to dislike learning. I had a third grade teacher that was the way you are describing and I hated going to school. Me- the girl that would give herself homework because I loved learning so much- but then I went on to a 4th grade teacher that was kind and encouraging and I learned to love school again, and learned a lot too.
It does sound like she is negative but not harmful so that is good and I wouldn't request a different teacher unless Alyssa acted like she didn't want to go.
I am annoyed that she thought she was trying to 'control her' though. That is a weird thing for a teacher to get out of that.
You should be very proud. You have some amazing kids and those are great reports.
Oh and I was so proud of Alyssa that she came up to me last night and ASKED to be able to play the piano because she was sure she could remember something. She had an out. There were a few girls that weren't doing talents and so she knew she wouldn't be singled out for not doing one and yet, shy as she is, she did it and did such a good job!
"No one is good at everything, but everyone is good at something"
That is a great line! I am so proud of these guys for their great reviews. I love how they are all so different yet just perfect in their individual ways. I MISS them!!
Speaking of the people we allow to influence our kids...did you see news story where the bus driver pulls the little girl down by her backpack? What the hell?! The little girl is only six and watching it makes me SO mad!
Hooray for great conferences. I've always thought your kids rock. Doesn't surprise me.
Those reviews would make any mother proud! Congrats!
Julie.... Alyssa sounds like a July 2nd person.
Way to go Alyssa and Alex! That is a wonderful report.
The only time I really stepped in about a teacher was with one of the girls in middle school. Another mom was telling me what the teacher said and did in class, and I decided my girls did not need an x-rated education at their age! And when the principal argued that they didn't change teachers just because a parent requested it, I had to pull out the stops, let him know that I was aware of things about this person (because of my job as an ER nurse) and I would NOT allow my children in her room. He backed off then.
Hooray for you for realizing that kids do need to learn how to deal with all kinds of people--as long as it's not x-rated!!
Julie, I would love if Alyssa wrote, but I don't think she enjoys it. She loves to read and says it "feels like being in entirely new worlds", so maybe her appreciation of books will lead to a love of writing?
Jen, Tell me how you really feel...ha,ha! I am usually a softie mom, but I agree that we have to prep our kids to function in society, and in real life not everyone is going to praise and adore them.
Cheryl, The talent show last night is classic Alyssa. She didn't tell me about it because she didn't want to practice and prepare and have it be on someone else's terms. She only did it when it was her way and on her terms. I am proud that she got up and tried, but she told me she purposely didn't take her music and only played right handed. She does not like to go too far out of her comfort zone.
Valerie, I didn't see the bus driver. Was the driver trying to keep the kid safe, or just being a jerk?
Isn't it nice to hear when your kids are doing well.
That's great Alyssa is testing so high in the advanced range. I wouldn't worry too much if she isn't reading at school in the classroom, as long as she is at home.
It's probably more relaxing and quieter at home than in the classroom.
Alex sounds like he is a great student, too, and how nice that he is so hardworking.
It sounds like you had a good day with your kids; a good report, some new books and a trip to McDonald's.
I bet the kids loved it.
I also thought that was terrible the teacher said she thought Alyssa was trying to control her by answering inaudibly. Sounds like the teacher is the one who is controlling.
I always wonder what my kids are like away from me also. SO Funny to hear they have split personalities. We had PT Conference this week too--it's fun to be proud. Although, Maddy got 4's not A's. Really, let's confuse everyone. Way to go Alyssa and Alex! I still need to go get her a treat for a great job.
LOVE the play list. Brings back so many memories.
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