Warning: This rant is long, you may want to get a beverage or some popcorn.
From the outside looking in everyone has the perfect family. Everyone is living the perfect white picket fence, 1950's sitcom lifestyle, complete with laugh track. There are some things you just don't talk about.
From the inside, no one has the perfect life, but it is taboo to admit so shhh! Just keep posing and say cheese.
Why are there certain struggles we are not allowed to talk about? Who made that call? If you are sick, you can talk about it and we can all rally around you. But if you are stuck in a relationship that is bad for you, shhhh...don't tell anyone. If you know you need out but know also that there is no out...you are trapped...well you better just keep that under wraps. You might upset the rest of the posers. Your life is perfect, shake it off and get back on stage.
Well, I decided that I am going to blow the cover off the whole thing. I am stuck in a relationship that I don't want but I am tied and double knotted so tightly that I can't get out. I have been doing the whole smile and play along thing. Not anymore.
Ring, Ring! Oh hi mom...no everything is fine, why?...oh, keep reading...no I promise everything is fine...just keep reading...alright bye.
Did I worry anyone else, or just my poor mother? My marriage is great, it is money that I am considering divorcing.
Stupid money!
Most people are stuck in an ugly relationship with money but most people never talk about it. Money stresses me out and then it makes me mad that I am stressed out because it is just money. Money can not make me any more or less happy but I can't just kick it to the curb because I need heat for my children, and food for their tummies and clothing for their little bodies. And then it stresses me out even further because I can't even talk about it.
When I was a minimum wage earning college student I could talk about it. I could tell people how little I made and I was still humble enough to just say I'm poor. If I were rich I wouldn't have to talk about it, people would figure it out just by looking.
But I am in that demographic of middle class, stay at home moms. That obnoxious, pretentious group where you feel like you have to pretend you make less to fit in with your lower income friends, and you have to pretend you make more to fit in with your more affluent friends, all without ever mentioning numbers of course. It really is the original don't ask, don't tell policy.
It leads to unkindness and speculation and back biting. I have done it. I have snobbishly said, "they make less than me so how do they have a bigger house" and other such ugly comments. I have had it done to me when I used to work and people were saying, "I thought the Johnsons were doing okay, they must not make that much after all". Do we all judge and compete and compare because we are really that mean? I don't think so. I think we do it because we are all hopelessly insecure.
We don't ask anyone what they make because that would be rude. Instead we speculate and gossip because that is really polite. We don't tell anyone what we make because that could be embarrassing in some crowds and prideful in others. Instead we just decide who we are trying to be and play the part as convincingly as we can.
The point of all this is that I have been considering going back to work (at home), but there are lots of reasons I haven't done it.
Sidetrack to provide background: I worked at home for a couple years before Chloe was born. I started out taking calls for Pizza Hut. I learned that the company I contracted with had a more lucrative position taking calls for infomercial products. Two weeks later I was offered that position. I then found out they had a team of Sales Pros who made bonuses. I wanted that job but people told me it took years to prove yourself and get invited. I wasn't okay with that, six weeks later I was invited. Then they started an exclusive group for the best sales pro agents and I kicked it into high gear because I wanted that job. I got it. I was stressed out all the time. I only worked about 5-10 hours a week but I thought about it full time. I had to be the best. I had to win every contest. That is my personality. When Chloe was born I was so relieved to be rid of the stress that I never went back. I tried another company at one point that was Customer Service (less stressful) but they required 15 hours a week and I didn't want minimum hour requirements. Then I got used to not having that extra money and I just didn't want to open that door again.
Recently I have been wanting to go back, not because I want to work but because I have needs and wants that require money. I want to buy a new house because I don't want my kids to go to the ghetto middle school within our current boundaries. I want to go back to college, BAD! I want to help my family have more breathing room. We can provide for our needs and even some wants (so don't pity us or send donations, this is merely a rant)but I want to contribute. They changed Seth's pay periods from twice monthly to every other Friday. It is the same amount of money but having it spread out over 26 paychecks rather than 24 has been a budgeting nightmare. Of course they try to tell us we get 2 extra checks a year...yippee...but in reality, the same salary split up more ways equals smaller checks. We have been running full speed all year to try to adjust. I want to help make that adjustment easier. (Weigh in Discover card workers, have you hated the new system or am I just lame?)
And I need to see my family more often. Do you know how much it costs to fly 5 people to Utah once a year, and then to California at another time during the year? A lot! When I worked it was much easier to buy plane tickets and I need those plane tickets. I have family members that I long to hug, and laugh with, and eat with and play games with. I have nieces and nephews I need to know.
I prayed about whether or not I should go back to work. What is best for my family? Doors started to open. I reapplied at the company I started with and I have a contract for two different projects there. You have to take one call every 42 days to stay active and so that is all I have done. Today is day 42 again so I will jump in and take one call tonight. The company has changed since my last rendezvous with them and I liked it better before so I have kept my distance. A couple months ago I found another company that offers seasonal work. I like the idea of only working 4 months out of the year so I trained there and now I have two projects with them that I haven't really jumped in to either. Then yesterday I got an e-mail from the customer service company I worked for (the one that had a 15 hour minimum). They wanted to offer me a project again even though I had told them I was no longer interested years ago. It has left me thinking, is this the answer? Should I start working again? Project offers seem to be flying at me. What to do?
Why am I hesitating? Is it really that I don't have time? No, I can give up 5-10 hours a week. I used to work on Saturday mornings from 3AM-9AM. I could do that again. Is it the stress? Kind of, but not really.
So what is it?
It is the fear of being talked about. I don't like people talking about me. I don't like people talking about Seth. I don't want to get defensive and go around trying to justify why I work to everyone I meet. I suffer from a big ugly case of pride.
I was thinking about this extensively last night. This need to fit in. This need to be the perfect stay at home mom. The kind that plays with the kids, and makes delicious food, and keeps the house perfect, and for heavens sake, absolutely does not work. Not even a little bit, because that is just not what stay at home moms do. We could lose our laugh track and picket fence for that.
I started to read some talks from Conference. President Uchtdorf talked about the love of God. He talked about why God loves us.
God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn't care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, He loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely....We are important to God not because of our resume but because we are His children.
I believe that. All of it. So why do I care what you think of me? Why do you care what I think of you? Why does it hurt when people talk about us? Why do we, knowing that it hurts, still talk about other people?
As I thought last night the question came to my mind. "Julie, do you really care about anyone else's social standing? Is that important to you?" The answer is no. I don't care at all. I don't care what you make, or how big your house is, or how many clothes you have. I only care about where I am lacking and truthfully, I am just using you so that I have someone to compare myself to. In reality, I like you very much, just the way you are.
That leads me to believe that you don't really care about my house or checking account either. It leads me to believe that when others have said judgemental or unkind words about my house, my clothes, my neighborhood, my job, they were just using me to leverage themselves too.
So here's the deal. I am probably going to start working again part time. I am not going to hide it. I am going to let people talk about me if that is what they need to do.
As for you money, you can stick around but I am getting in the driver's seat. You have been domineering and critical for too long. It is not all about you. Look what I did for three hours this morning.
From the outside looking in everyone has the perfect family. Everyone is living the perfect white picket fence, 1950's sitcom lifestyle, complete with laugh track. There are some things you just don't talk about.
From the inside, no one has the perfect life, but it is taboo to admit so shhh! Just keep posing and say cheese.
Why are there certain struggles we are not allowed to talk about? Who made that call? If you are sick, you can talk about it and we can all rally around you. But if you are stuck in a relationship that is bad for you, shhhh...don't tell anyone. If you know you need out but know also that there is no out...you are trapped...well you better just keep that under wraps. You might upset the rest of the posers. Your life is perfect, shake it off and get back on stage.
Well, I decided that I am going to blow the cover off the whole thing. I am stuck in a relationship that I don't want but I am tied and double knotted so tightly that I can't get out. I have been doing the whole smile and play along thing. Not anymore.
Ring, Ring! Oh hi mom...no everything is fine, why?...oh, keep reading...no I promise everything is fine...just keep reading...alright bye.
Did I worry anyone else, or just my poor mother? My marriage is great, it is money that I am considering divorcing.
Stupid money!
Most people are stuck in an ugly relationship with money but most people never talk about it. Money stresses me out and then it makes me mad that I am stressed out because it is just money. Money can not make me any more or less happy but I can't just kick it to the curb because I need heat for my children, and food for their tummies and clothing for their little bodies. And then it stresses me out even further because I can't even talk about it.
When I was a minimum wage earning college student I could talk about it. I could tell people how little I made and I was still humble enough to just say I'm poor. If I were rich I wouldn't have to talk about it, people would figure it out just by looking.
But I am in that demographic of middle class, stay at home moms. That obnoxious, pretentious group where you feel like you have to pretend you make less to fit in with your lower income friends, and you have to pretend you make more to fit in with your more affluent friends, all without ever mentioning numbers of course. It really is the original don't ask, don't tell policy.
It leads to unkindness and speculation and back biting. I have done it. I have snobbishly said, "they make less than me so how do they have a bigger house" and other such ugly comments. I have had it done to me when I used to work and people were saying, "I thought the Johnsons were doing okay, they must not make that much after all". Do we all judge and compete and compare because we are really that mean? I don't think so. I think we do it because we are all hopelessly insecure.
We don't ask anyone what they make because that would be rude. Instead we speculate and gossip because that is really polite. We don't tell anyone what we make because that could be embarrassing in some crowds and prideful in others. Instead we just decide who we are trying to be and play the part as convincingly as we can.
The point of all this is that I have been considering going back to work (at home), but there are lots of reasons I haven't done it.
Sidetrack to provide background: I worked at home for a couple years before Chloe was born. I started out taking calls for Pizza Hut. I learned that the company I contracted with had a more lucrative position taking calls for infomercial products. Two weeks later I was offered that position. I then found out they had a team of Sales Pros who made bonuses. I wanted that job but people told me it took years to prove yourself and get invited. I wasn't okay with that, six weeks later I was invited. Then they started an exclusive group for the best sales pro agents and I kicked it into high gear because I wanted that job. I got it. I was stressed out all the time. I only worked about 5-10 hours a week but I thought about it full time. I had to be the best. I had to win every contest. That is my personality. When Chloe was born I was so relieved to be rid of the stress that I never went back. I tried another company at one point that was Customer Service (less stressful) but they required 15 hours a week and I didn't want minimum hour requirements. Then I got used to not having that extra money and I just didn't want to open that door again.
Recently I have been wanting to go back, not because I want to work but because I have needs and wants that require money. I want to buy a new house because I don't want my kids to go to the ghetto middle school within our current boundaries. I want to go back to college, BAD! I want to help my family have more breathing room. We can provide for our needs and even some wants (so don't pity us or send donations, this is merely a rant)but I want to contribute. They changed Seth's pay periods from twice monthly to every other Friday. It is the same amount of money but having it spread out over 26 paychecks rather than 24 has been a budgeting nightmare. Of course they try to tell us we get 2 extra checks a year...yippee...but in reality, the same salary split up more ways equals smaller checks. We have been running full speed all year to try to adjust. I want to help make that adjustment easier. (Weigh in Discover card workers, have you hated the new system or am I just lame?)
And I need to see my family more often. Do you know how much it costs to fly 5 people to Utah once a year, and then to California at another time during the year? A lot! When I worked it was much easier to buy plane tickets and I need those plane tickets. I have family members that I long to hug, and laugh with, and eat with and play games with. I have nieces and nephews I need to know.
I prayed about whether or not I should go back to work. What is best for my family? Doors started to open. I reapplied at the company I started with and I have a contract for two different projects there. You have to take one call every 42 days to stay active and so that is all I have done. Today is day 42 again so I will jump in and take one call tonight. The company has changed since my last rendezvous with them and I liked it better before so I have kept my distance. A couple months ago I found another company that offers seasonal work. I like the idea of only working 4 months out of the year so I trained there and now I have two projects with them that I haven't really jumped in to either. Then yesterday I got an e-mail from the customer service company I worked for (the one that had a 15 hour minimum). They wanted to offer me a project again even though I had told them I was no longer interested years ago. It has left me thinking, is this the answer? Should I start working again? Project offers seem to be flying at me. What to do?
Why am I hesitating? Is it really that I don't have time? No, I can give up 5-10 hours a week. I used to work on Saturday mornings from 3AM-9AM. I could do that again. Is it the stress? Kind of, but not really.
So what is it?
It is the fear of being talked about. I don't like people talking about me. I don't like people talking about Seth. I don't want to get defensive and go around trying to justify why I work to everyone I meet. I suffer from a big ugly case of pride.
I was thinking about this extensively last night. This need to fit in. This need to be the perfect stay at home mom. The kind that plays with the kids, and makes delicious food, and keeps the house perfect, and for heavens sake, absolutely does not work. Not even a little bit, because that is just not what stay at home moms do. We could lose our laugh track and picket fence for that.
I started to read some talks from Conference. President Uchtdorf talked about the love of God. He talked about why God loves us.
God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn't care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, He loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely....We are important to God not because of our resume but because we are His children.
I believe that. All of it. So why do I care what you think of me? Why do you care what I think of you? Why does it hurt when people talk about us? Why do we, knowing that it hurts, still talk about other people?
As I thought last night the question came to my mind. "Julie, do you really care about anyone else's social standing? Is that important to you?" The answer is no. I don't care at all. I don't care what you make, or how big your house is, or how many clothes you have. I only care about where I am lacking and truthfully, I am just using you so that I have someone to compare myself to. In reality, I like you very much, just the way you are.
That leads me to believe that you don't really care about my house or checking account either. It leads me to believe that when others have said judgemental or unkind words about my house, my clothes, my neighborhood, my job, they were just using me to leverage themselves too.
So here's the deal. I am probably going to start working again part time. I am not going to hide it. I am going to let people talk about me if that is what they need to do.
As for you money, you can stick around but I am getting in the driver's seat. You have been domineering and critical for too long. It is not all about you. Look what I did for three hours this morning.
Did you see that? Looks to me like I am filthy, stinking, white picket fence rich, with or without you.
18 comments:
This is the second post I've read today about judging each other. Must be something we all need to be reminded of. I work from home and honestly I'm proud of it. I can help provide for my family and still make lunch for my kids every day. Do what is right for you and your family!
well, julie, beautiful post. it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately because...we are stinking poor... This is the first time that I have ever worried...
Don't worry about us though we are fine. We just don't eat out as much, or go out as much.... and shop for food and supplies smarter and we are making it and will make it.
Anyway, I have been wanting to "contribute" too. I might start secret shopping, or taking surveys online.
All I know is that we are fine and we are good, because I have faith, and already we have been blessed.
And what ever you do, I know that you will be fine too because I know you, you wouldn't ever just jump into it halfhearted and with out thinking about it and praying about it.
Good luck with your job Julie!! I guess this means we will see you more??
Sally, I know a lot of people who do hair from home and love it. I think if I had a job I loved I wouldn't even care what other people thought. I would love to write. I know people making money writing at home but they are all so tight lipped about how they got started. Maybe they are just giving me a tactful hint.
Emily, Utah is the work at home capital. There are more work at home opportunities there than anywhere. If you ever want to look into it let me know. I can give you some starting points. Hopefully this means you will see me more...we'll see if I stick to it.
Julie-
I truly don't think about what other people make or how they can afford certain things. I think it's because I grew up with a mom who was like that, and I saw how much of the happiness it sucked from her with trying to keep up. I decided long ago (probably in h.s.) that I would only do the things and buy things that make me happy and not do what everyone else is doing. I lost a lot of friends along the way, but I pray that the friends that stuck around are the ones who are true friends.
You should only do what is best for you and not what others think of you. Period. If you feel like working from home is what you need to do, then go for it. Working a few hours a week doesn't make you a working mom in the sense of the word. And, even if you did need to be a "working mom", then I don't think it's anyone business to judge you.
I would really love to start up my photography business again, but Kenosha just isn't the place for my kind of photography (outdoors, no studio). I was actually looking forward to having my girls be in school so I could maybe get some kind of part-time work, but then Violet entered our lives. I do occasionally get work here and there whether it's web design, graphic design, or photography, but I definitely don't do enough to contribute to the family funds.
P.S. Cute pictures of Chloe in her puffy jacket. I like your blurry border, too:)
am I your tight lipped friend? I was contacted by my editor. I did not go looking for the job, it fell in my lap. I don't tell people about it because I don't want the people in real life to read it. I would be too embarrassed. Strangers are fine but not my friends and family.
I feel like people look down on me for being a working mother. I have had people tell me point blank no one, not even my husband can care for my children as well as I can. It was/is all I can do not to tell them to eff off. Andy does care for my children just as well as I do and believe it or not we don't have a choice. I WANT to be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would have to work 2 jobs just so we could make it. I also get told we just need to cut back on things and sacrifice a little. We don't have cable, we don't even own a tv, we don't have a home phone our cars are used and not fancy, I buy everything on clearance. I am not sure what else I am expected to cut out. Then I was told I was being prideful for not taking government help. That sent me over the edge. I may not do a lot of things, but I am self sufficient. I work hard for my family. I take care of them and I do it even when I don't want to. Even as a working mom I am still a good mom. If you want to work so you can go visit your family good for you. If you want to work to buy designer shoes, good for you too. Do what makes you happy.
And that is the end of my (obviously resentful) rant.
I started subbing this year. A large portion of it is selfish. With Olive in school in the mornings I wanted to "get out" sometimes. I honestly believe that I get more done and am better organized when I am working a little bit. (But it is only because I don't have any really small kids anymore.)
Having a motive behind my working helps me to justify it. We want to go on an anniversary trip. It is not in our budget, so instead of scrapping the trip, whatever extra I earn is our budget. And after that is over, whatever extra I earn is our vacation funds. (I can tell you exactly how much it costs to fly 5 people to Utah, ouch, ouch, ouch, and because we are staying put this year, Christmas will actually have a budget!)
For me, the trick is to live on what Jonathon makes and play on what I make.
As for the money business, I hate it too. What I hate the most is how hard it is sometimes to stay true to my own personal standards (ie, I will not go into debt for this, this and this, but I might whip out the credit card for this or this.) Peer pressure, or perceived peer pressure is just as alive in my 30's as it was in my teen's.
Jen, You are right. It totally doesn't matter what people think or say. I just had such a negative response from "friends" and family last time I worked but I feel like I am more comfortable with myself now and in a better, less stressful place.
Brittney, I actually had one person (not you) tell me that if my writing was good enough someone would find me. Ouch! I have now quit asking people how they got their writing gig. You have an editor? How official of you. Also, I hope I was not the one who made you feel like you were the only one who could take care of your babies. I know I posted about how important a mothers job is, but I meant all mothers. Some of the best moms I know work. They really appreciate and utilize the time they have with their kids and don't take it for granted. I am praying for your family...I know this year has been challenging but I admire what you are doing. And please let us read your work. Don't be embarrassed, you have a talent!
Sarah, I think I have always planned to go back to work a little bit when the kids were in school. Might as well be out making money and getting out. I like the idea of deciding what the extra money is for. It has always been our goal to live off Seth's income too and play on mine (when I have one). It is always nice to have extra to play, and to just alleviate money stress.
I need to go back to school. All you ladies with a degree or a trade (or both)make me jealous. If I could do something I had a passion for the decision to work would be so much easier
Money is complicated. Period. Super stress for everyone, I think, whether or not they admit it. Sometimes I wish I could be a free financial planner/educator and help people deal with their finances. Of course that does NOT mean I deal with mine perfectly. Sigh. I just know that I would love to have a third party involved to help us and so that I would be more organized, consistent, etc. if I had to report to them. Whenever I read money books, I get so fired up and inspired and I want to share it with everyone. If you are interested, I could tell you a few of my favs...
Anyway, as always, I thought your post was very insightful, and I'm glad you've decided to just do what you want to do. Don't let it stress you, though, right?
Sometimes I think people feel sorry for me that I have to work so much and not stay home with Luke. It doesn't bother me though, they have a right to pity me cause it sucks. I don't like it at all and don't try to pretend that I do. I can't imagine anyone judging you for working so few hours and from home. Regardless though, you have to try not to worry what people think! If people think I am less of a mom because I work two jobs, I truly don't care. I would love to be home with Luke, but HE will always know how much I love him whether I'm working or staying home.
As for your passion for writing, whoever said jobs would find you is dense. Go out there and look for stuff and you will find something good eventually.
Katelin, I always say I wish we had someone else to handle our money. No matter how much you read, learn or study I think an outsider always has perspective that we can't seem to find while in the situation. Plus, I just don't want to see or think about finances. I want someone to just take care of it and give me my little stack of cash for the month. I agree that money stresses everyone out. No matter how many raises come, the money all seems to find a place to go. But I am liking the new WAH place I found better than LO (taking pledges...so easy, no affinities)at this point. I have only worked it for 2 hours so I will give it some time to really decide.
Valerie, You are a great mom and very involved with Luke. I bet most stay at home moms don't even spend as much one on one quality time with their kids as you do with Luke. I don't judge people who work so I don't know why I am so sensitive. I still think I just had a bad experience last time and I need to shake it off and move on. I would like to find writing jobs but I don't even know how. It is not like I have a portfolio or anything, just random babblings. Hopefully I can go back to school and work on that. I think I am also afraid to submit writing because it seems so vain. I feel embarrassed to assume that anyone wants my writing. But even if someone said, not good enough, that would be a start.
I really like this post because I've been trying to decide if I should quit my work from home gig. I still do not have a complete answer but it is interesting reading others thoughts and perspectives on their lives.
I know you'll come to the right decision.
PS: I agree about those plane tickets and it IS very important to spend time with family.
Just to let everyone know- we live on a very tight budget. Its always been tight. Its always been paycheck to paycheck. So if you want to hang with us, make sure were doing something cheap! There...I said it! We will go do things that we really cant afford to try to make friends and fit in. Like you said-blending with the crowd we're with. Ryan has worked 2-3 jobs at times to try and catch up. I have worked as well, just so I felt like I could contribute...not because he wanted me to. We have seriously been considering starting a work at home job that one or both of us could do, but dont know where to look. When we took the job out here we were hoping for all new financial freedom, but thats not what we got. We are still tight. Just now, we are far away from family. Sometimes thats good, other times not so much. Truth is, its just hard now days. It takes knowing the right person to get anywhere...but thats another story.
So anyway, we wont look down on you for working. And if you find anything that looks good, let us know...so we can try it! We can always use extra cash, especially around the holidays. Santa makes life hard!
LeShel, I will trade you WAH jobs. Don't you do transcription? I work on the phone...you know how I feel about the phone. Anyhow, good luck with whatever you decide too.
Heather, I know of a handful of WAH companies if you don't mind taking calls although the WAH companies are all struggling more with the economy because not as many people are calling in. Money really does suck, doesn't it? I have thought so many times, this is the promotion that puts us on easy street but every time I hit that stupid fork in the road again.
Heather and LeShel...do you hate the biweekly pay periods or is that just me? That really has been annoying for us. We were used to a certain amount every month and now it is all out of whack. Do they really expect me to budget that so called "extra paycheck" over 6 months? They should know better, they are a credit card company after all.
I didnt like the bi-weeekly checks at first. It really screwed us up. But now, I have worked it into the budget so we are used to it. Its really not that much of a difference...for us anyway. But it did feel like they jipped us out of a check last year.
Oh yeah, and as far as the WAH thing. I dont want to be on the phone. Something that we can both do in our spare time would be great, because I cant work on at a sceduled time with all the kids running around. If thats possible. Transcriptioning or Medical billing or something...
Heather, we tried to revamp everything for the new pay schedule but it is still not making me very happy. We switched our house payment to be split and come out every other week instead of just on the first which leads to one extra payment on our house each year. We thought that was a good thing but that extra payment is also extra money out of our pocket. Oh well, at least it is going to something worthwhile and not to Burger King.
As for WAH non-phone jobs, I can't help you there. The jobs I have worked do not have a set schedule though. You pick times to work and can drop them if you need to as well. You can also work as much or little as you like. I have done a lot of sales (makes the most) but there are also customer service calls and even just incoming pledge calls which are super low stress and easy.
Julie, you are just as paranoid as I am. You have never said anything to make me feel bad. The comments I pointed out were very specific to what I typed and it wasn't you or even anyone you know.
I do have an editor, it isn't as cool as it sounds. She is in New York and I have never met her. I get to have phone conference calls with her and the SEO team.
And trust me, you don't want to read it. The whole site deals with babies and baby making. Pregnancy is nasty, delivery is nasty, and making the baby is even nastier when it makes you get a visual of someone you know doing the deed. This is an everything goes place and it is discussed. I promise, you should be grateful you don't get to read it. Anonimity is fantastic.
AND, I think you're writing is great. Who ever told you you have to be "found" is full of malarky. Put yourself out there.
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