Don't Slap the Bagel!

We refer to slapping the bagel a lot in my family, which usually invites confused looks from the people around me, so I thought I would share with you the origin and meaning of bagel slapping.

This story belongs to my brother Jeff's coworker who we will hereafter refer to as "not so smart coworker lady". You will see soon enough why she earned such a complimentary nickname.

You see, a few years ago this woman met a man online. He was fabulous. He even wrote her beautiful, heartfelt poetry. She knew she had to meet this wonderful Prince. So she bought airline tickets and flew out to stay with him. This is our first clue that she is not so smart. Ladies: Do not stay with men you have never met. At least get a hotel room and meet in a public place.

Anyhow, "not so smart" shows up to meet her online superman and walks into a dumpster. He has several bags of trash piled up in the kitchen. He makes sure to point out that he has been cleaning all day for her arrival. Even after his efforts the house is drowning in trash and dog hair. So, she grabs her stuff and goes in. Hello lady...this is your cue to turn around and run.

Unfortunately for "not so smart coworker lady", this guy was every bit the loser that he appeared to be at first glance. Things did not get any better...for her...but for us the weekend turned into a beautiful story telling gem. Thanks "not so smart"!

After enduring her first torturous day with her not-so-charming-anymore prince, "not so smart" brilliantly decides to spend the night. He tells her she can sleep in his bed and not to mind the dog hair because that is the side the dog usually sleeps on. I would have puked, although I would have been long gone by nightfall.

Then, as she is cozying up in the dog hair she sees a book of poetry in the room. Upon opening it she of course finds all of the beautiful poetry she has been receiving for the past few months. She confronts the poet himself. He claims that he did write all of that poetry and asks her, "haven't you ever heard of a pseudonym?" Never mind that this book was published before Mr.Loser, pseudonym Bill Shakespeare, was born. HA,HA! Priceless!

Luckily the cyber loser does not murder our dear friend in the night and in the morning she decides to go out and get bagels for breakfast. She asks her new bunk mate if he'd like anything and he declines her offer. When she returns with her food he asks her what she got for him. Well of course she's "not so smart" but she clearly remembers him telling her he didn't want anything. She reminds him of this conversation. Apparently he is even less smart than her.

Anyhow, his response to her reminder was, "woulda been a nice surprise."

Okay, psycho!

Well, he may be psycho but "not so smart" still doesn't catch on and get out of town. She stays another night. Mercy lady!

In the morning she again goes out for a bagel. I imagine she was afraid to eat in this man's home. Sleeping next to him in dog hair...perfectly safe. Eating... terribly frightening. Maybe she is smarter than we've given her credit for.

Anyhow, on the second morning "not so smart" comes back with a bagel for Shakespeare. He looks at the bagel, looks at her, and slaps the bagel across the room.

So, what can we learn from this story? Lots! But today we will focus on the bagel slapping incident. When someone thinks of you and brings you a gift, even if it is not what you want, just say thank you! Whenever someone in my family gets caught being an ingrate they are promptly called a bagel slapper. So there you have it...Don't slap the bagel!