We have talked a lot in the past months about how her little boy, Luke will respond to having a little sister, and how she worries about loving this baby as much as Luke. She has been anxious to have the baby, and at the same time wanting to hold on to the last few days with just her and Luke. I relate. I relate so much that I have tears forming already.
The transition from one to two was the easiest physically since I was already used to the mommy schedule, but the pregnancy is emotionally tough. No matter how many moms tell you that you will love the new baby as much as the last one, you just can't believe it to be possible. And then they place that second child in your arms, and you watch your capacity to love burst all the seams you thought held it bound. And what is even sweeter, is that you get to share this new little angel, with that first little angel. You get to watch them become siblings.
I remember so well the moment that Alyssa met Alex. I knew she would be jealous. She was jealous of Alex even before he was born, because he was sitting on my lap. When Alex was no more than 10 minutes old, the doors opened and Jeff brought her in to meet him. Her smile was immediate and all encomapssing. She was overjoyed to meet the little lap thief. She hugged him, and kissed him, and held him. We were so relieved.
A few moments passed and I suddenly saw the dark clouds rolling in. I was nursing Alex and she asked to hold him. I told her she would have to wait while he ate. She said, "Fine, then I'm gonna kick him." I watched as it dawned on Alyssa that this was no joke. This was a real live, mommy stealing baby.
When we left the hospital to bring him home, she told me to leave him there. When I asked who would care for him she suggested, "Just give him back to the doctor or something." Once we were home things only got worse. She poked his eyes. She screamed "WAKE UP" in his face everytime he fell asleep. She stole his blankets. She sat in his carseat. She would yank and pull at him while he ate.
It tore up my heart. I tried really hard to spend time with her whenever he slept. I remember the day I came home from the hospital I was rolling out sugar cookies to frost with her, because I just had to have her know I was still there.
There were moments of cuteness when Alyssa was tender and gentle with her brother, and there were times when she asked me things like, "Mom, when we're done using Alex can we get a sister instead?".
And in the background there was always a mom running around trying to make sure they both knew that she loved them best.
And so the juggling act continues to this day, only now I have learned to juggle three. And you know what else? I have each one of them completely convinced that they are my favorite, and they are right. All of them.
I am so excited for Valerie to make this journey. It is scary, and at moments you feel guilt for not being able to give your whole world to just that one child anymore. And then you realize that you have not taken anything from them, but given them one of the greatest gifts available to us in mortality. I daresay the best gift my parents ever gave me was siblings. Now bring on the baby, cause Luke and Valerie are gonna rock at this...and you too, Dave.
My journey from one, to two...in pictures.
The last pictures of me as a one kid momma. Halloween 2004.
This was the same night, and I am stunned at how much hair Alyssa had. I thought she was bald forever, but she has lots more than Chloe does and she was three months younger.
Nice to meet you little brother.
Two kid Mama (10 minutes postpartum...yes, I am brave to post these)
Two kid Papa
Making I promise I still love you cookies, even letting her frost both sides AND lick the spatula.
Here is a Scrapbook page I devoted to Alex and Alyssa's rocky start. This is actually one of only two pages I ever made with Alex in it, before I quit the scrapbooking phase.
Alyssa had a really hard time when Alex was born. She would love him and want to hold him for a minute, and then ask if we could give him back to the doctor. Finally she got used to the idea that he was here to stay, but still didn't pay much attention to him. But, as he has gotten older and started to play more, she has decided that he is her best friend. He also loves her so much! Right before Alex turned one, he got sick and I told Alyssa that we needed to take him to the doctor. She sat real quietly for a minute and then told me, "Mom, I will miss Alex so much." I asked what she meant and she said, "When we give him back to the doctor." I think Alex can finally say for sure....SHE LOVES ME!!!
*Apparently I didn't get around to making that page until after Alex was one, but in the pictures on the page he ranges from birth-5 months. See the one of him on the first page in the striped onesie? That was the day he turned 3 months old, and the one on the second page is the day he turned 5 months. Such a chunkster!
8 comments:
I remember coming to stay with you when Alex was born. When I said good-bye to Alyssa and started to leave she broke down in tears sobbing and saying, "don't go". I felt so loved so I explained that I would come back very soon. Then she said, "No, you forgot your baby, take Alex with you." When I explained he was staying she sobbed all the harder.
I think all us mothers with more than 1 child can all relate to the feelings of guilt about handing over some of the love from the first to the second. I remember also feeling like I could never love another baby as much as I loved Annie, but when I saw Mimi for the first time I managed give my entire heart to both girls and then some even though Mimi sure does try to test that love most days (grrr).
How exciting for Valerie's family. I can totally sympathize with all of that anxiety that accompanies baby number 2. It's so nice that it all ends with the baby's arrival.
I loved hearing all the things Alyssa had to say about Alex. Annabelle and Paul are only 17 months apart, so she didn't have too much to say about her new baby brother. And when Adelaide was born Baby Paul wasn't mad at me or at Adelaide but he was furious with Annabelle over the whole thing. I have no idea how he figured it was her fault, but I'm just glad he's over it now.
I'm anxious for the moment when the two dollies meet! I don't like getting choked up, but I think it will be inevitable.
I know I will love this baby just as much as Luke, just worried about Luke feeling neglected at first. I think once we get into a routine it will get better.
Oh Val Im so excited fr you! I was s worried about all of this too. But as it turns out I didnt need t be! Olivia has been in love with Violet from the first time they met. I thought she would feel the same way neglected and jealous. They first time she saw her she told me that Violet was soooooooooo cute and was a princess. It was sweet! Good luck sweetie and I cant wait to meet her! Love you!
Catherine, How funny that Baby Paul was mad at Annabelle. I am sure it is all so confusing to their little brains. I am glad he got over it.
Valerie, I don't think Luke will feel neglected. Remember this is the same little guy who told you to go back to work and quit bossing him around. Ha,Ha...he is too much. Plus, I think if he gets a reduction from 75,000 cheek blasts a day to 40,000 he will survive. I know you, and he will never feel neglected...in his life.
I'm waiting for the post edit now. Did Valerie have her baby???? Let us know. This post brings back memories. When West was born, my charming daughter turned into jealous sibling overnight. I was ready for that-what I wasn't ready for was for me to turn into fierce mama bear. I didn't want to let her anywhere near him. Luckily it was all short lived and now they can have all the sibling rivalry they want and I won't even blink an eye.
This is so sweet. I've seen this happen with my grandchildren, too, though I never experienced it because I went from one to three and #1 just kind of is a roll-with-the-punches kind of personality. He was immediately outnumbered and he knew it, so he just decided to join in on the fun. (I think. Maybe he is just the silent type who never voiced out loud his resentment.)
I love the statement that the best gift your parents gave you was siblings. May not seem like it to a 2-yr old but it is ever so true. We hope everything's going well with Valerie.
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