This morning when I retrieved Chloe from her bed, she was naked. When I asked why, she told me she was "all wet". This afternoon she tried to repeat the paint job from yesterday, right under my all-smelling nose this time. She was sitting on the floor two feet from me. She snatched off her diaper and started wiping away her mess with her hands. When I asked what she was doing she told me, "I cleaning up".
Now we all know what this means. Potty training is in my near future.
Ugh!
I can't say that potty training is among my favorite parenting responsibilities. I was so sure I would be really good at potty training after helping potty train my little brothers and sisters. I was a pro, and my kids would be 100% out of diapers before they turned two. That was back when I thought you got parenting points for stuff like that.
I started potty training Alyssa at 18 months. She was doing pretty well. She talked a lot so it made it easy to teach her. A month later I got pregnant with Alex and put the potty training on hold for a few months. Then we started again, but our house was for sale, and trying to run a toddler out of the house every time someone wanted to come look at the house proved to be a bit of a strain on our training. It was easier to let her pee in a diaper. Then we found out we were moving out of state, had a newborn, were "between houses" for a couple months and then finally settled here when she was 2 1/2. She was fully potty trained just before she turned 3, a year and a half after her first potty success.
Alex was a totally different animal. He couldn't talk and he couldn't sit still. He also had some digestive issues, and went to the bathroom 15 times a day. How do you potty train a kid with chronic diarrhea? I was a little wiser the second time around and decided to wait until he was older. I do feel like most kids are capable of being potty trained by 3, so that was my deadline. [when I say I think they are capable of being potty trained, don't mistake that for me saying they SHOULD be potty trained by 3. I am not an expert in what anyone else SHOULD do...that is just the age deadline I set for my kids] Of course when he turned 3 I was super pregnant with Chloe. But one month later when she was born, I took her newborn diaper and when Alex needed a change I tried to put it on him. It didn't fit, obviously, and I told him it was because he was 3 and diapers were too small for him. I put some underwear on him and braced myself for lots and lots of accidents. They never came, not even overnight. When he was told the toilet was the only option he just accepted it. It was glorious!
Now that I have potty trained two kids I have to say that I am not a fan of gimmicks. I used pull ups and potty chairs and sticker charts the first time. The second time there was no fanfare. Big kids use the potty. Period. I would give Alex a hug and tell him he was a big boy, but I think anything more than that is a distraction. Anything more and they are not potty training. They are squeezing a drop for a lollipop. Just my opinion.
So now Chloe is on deck. Honestly, I was planning to wait until September to potty train Chloe so that I don't have to deal with it over summer break when we are running around all day. I want her potty trained by her birthday in December so that I don't have to send her to Primary in a diaper in January. I am happy to wait until September to start, but I don't think her self clean up method is going to work for me much longer. She tells me before she goes every time and I need to start getting her pointed in the right direction. I wanted to use the same method that I used with Alex...straight to undies and deal with the accidents if they come, but I don't think she is ready for that. I am not ready for the 18 month method I used with Alyssa. Right now I have her go potty before she gets in the tub to introduce her to using the toilet but I am trying to mentally prepare myself to jump back in the potty ring with both feet.
Which has me curious...
What works for you in the potty training world? No judging. I am just curious to hear different ideas. If I had to assign rules to potty training (for me) I would say that I am for...
straight to undies, no pull ups
encouragement, but not prizes
no yelling, screaming, or punishment for accidents
waiting until they are ready, but not until they are 80
potty rings for the toilet, but no kids toilets (those are gross)
Those would be my basics. Again though, this is one of my least favorite jobs so I am not suggesting that I have it all right. If something totally different works for you then hip, hip, hooray. Anything that gets us through the messy world of potty training is good by me ( so long as it's not abusive). Just telling you what I have learned on my journey and wondering what you have learned on yours.
Go ahead, weigh in!
Second Week of School
3 years ago
22 comments:
Potty train that child already! I don't think she could be more obvious that she's more than ready without actually saying, "Mother dearest, I believe I am well-prepared to enter the world of autonomy and use the waste facilities designed for human use." GOOD LUCK, but it sounds like Chloe is begging to take the big step.
You already have heard directly from my mouth what worked/didn't work for us. I do agree that letting them wait until they are ready is the way to go (unless you have the patience of a saint and nothing else to for 24 hours a day). I tried to force it early (a little before and during age 2) on both girls, and they ended up refusing until they were each ready (Annie at 2.5 and Mimi at 2.999999+0.25).
With Annie she literally came up to me and said, "I have to go potty on the big girl potty" and that was the end of it, no accidents or pull-ups or kids' toilet. I heard around the time I was training Annie that pull-ups aren't good for training because it's just another diaper. However, up until they officially were potty trained my girls would both hold it until they could get any diaper onm pull-ups or not.
Mimi took a little longer but I used the blackmail method of taking her dollies away until she went potty. It worked within a week (even though she did adopt my flip flop as her baby). I knew I could do that with Mimi because she was obsessed with having a baby with her at all times and would do anything to get one in her arms again.
It'll be interesting to see what's in store with Violet.
I need this!!! Not looking forward to this at all!
Wow Julie, we are on the same page when it comes to potty training. I tend to treat my kids like adults which is wrong a lot of times. But when it came to using the potty my kids seemed to pick it up fast. I think like you it was because I expected them to use it no exceptions.
So I would go straight to underwear and buy many pairs to last through the first accidents. I also am a fan of the ring on the real toilet so they don't get scared to use a normal one when the time comes. I also give no rewards to going, I clap and make a big deal the first time but I also don't want them doing it every 5 seconds for some candy.
Now I do tend to raise my voice with accidents. I got better with every kid I did. I just have no patience and looking back I feel bad for Logan who got the brunt of my frustration. But I let them know I am not happy about it.
I am dreading this already and Hailey is just 13 months. I usually do it around 2 for girls and 2 1/2 or 3 for boys. Good luck with that. Hope that poop stays where it is supposed to.
i agree 2nd child no gimmicks. go potty, i did give in to a skittle reward to stay dry. seems like she's ready--summer would be nice not changing poopy diapers! do it!
We all know I can't give advice on this... although when I was a nanny I potty trained two boys no problem and helped with so many kids in daycare as well so I thought it was going to be really easy with our kids.
Abi was potty trained at two for the first time but then she decided that wasn't for her anymore.
Around that same time she used to take her diaper off all the time. I never had the poop paint but it was still pretty gross. I started out with the 'if you're taking it off, you're ready' mentality but it didn't work. She knew what to do but she didn't want to. I did not want to be cleaning up poop every few hours so I taped the darn things on.
I'm sure there are tons of people that are going to call that crazy or mean but.... I did what I had to do for my mental health at that point in time.
We spent the next two years stressing over the fact that no matter what we did- bribes or no bribes, charts or no charts, straight to panties or pull ups... etc she wanted nothing to do with going potty. She was just too busy doing other things.
Finally when Maddy was born she told us that big sisters wore panties so we thought the problem was solved but it wasn't. After her birth Abi clung to still wearing diapers or pull ups and at this point she was growing out of them.
So, the pediatrician said it was most likely a control issue and we could deal with it or not- it was fine if we didn't.. she would eventually do it.
About a month ago I decided to start Saturday night Disney movie nights where Abi gets to stay up later than Maddy and we have a fun meal and popcorn and soda and watch a movie together and that did the trick. I told her she had to be potty trained before we could start. She's been in panties ever since.
I think each family has to find what works for them and not worry about what others think.. although trust me I worried about what people were thinking about us and Abi.
I've only potty trained two kids, but the biggest thing I took from both experiences is that any method, no matter how great, will not work for every child. One of my kids was a piece of cake, completley potty trained at 20 months, we tried the exact same "fool proof" method later, and it was a no go.
I agree with all of your ideas in theory, but when I become a frazzled potty training mom, I used the pull ups and the gimmicks.
My favorite gimmick was to keep the cd player in the hall outside the bathroom and play "The Hotdog Song" from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, everytime someone successfully used the toilet and the whole family danced. I liked that better than bribing with candy, but I have been known to reward a succesful trip to the bathroom with an M&M.
Good luck with Chloe, she sounds more than ready. Hopefully she'll be easy as pie.
Why not keep her in diapers until 80. Then she's got one way all the way through.
;)
At least she doesn't have a penis. Seriously, the majority of Luke's wet clothes come from poor aim. I don't like the little toilets or pull-ups either. Luke wears his diaper for nap and bedtime though and that confuses him. He was peeing in the diaper the other morning and asked me, "wait...am I having an 'axcident'?" Unfortunately he is one of those kids who is freaked out at the notion of pooping on the toilet so if anyone has a "gimmick" for that, I'll take it!!
val- my daughter was freaked out about pooping on the toilet too and would hold it in until she would get seriously constipated and then it would hurt and that made it even worse so my mom told her if she pooped in the toilet she would mail her $5. It's a bribe... but it worked.
I have stories somewhat similar to you!!! Mari was the easiest because I had a maid who did it.
Cassie was second because I just waited till she wanted to do it. She was close to 3. It was kind of like with alex. She just took off her diaper and we went right to a pair of Mari's old ones. She thought those were much cooler than new ones. She is strange.
I also only used pull up once and then stopped when I realized that it was the same as a diaper or at least that is what child #2 thought.
Good Luck!!!
Like you already inferred, each child is different, has different needs as a result. I would definitely push the up button on this one.
I mass trained all three of my guys at the same time. Sean was fortunately out of diapers (cloth) about the time Mike came along, but I had Mike and the twins in diapers forever! This is a horror story on potty training. I waited to work with the twins until Mike was old enough. They were at least three - maybe closer to four.
When the girls came along and both of them were in cloth pants without accidents by the time they were two, it was like heaven.
But every child is different. And every circumstance is different. She doesn't like to be wet or messy? Get her out of diapers!
Good luck.
Every kid is different...I know this now, after finally finishing with number 4. It is true that you have to find what works for them as an individaul.
Madi was easy. We put a barbie on top of the fridge that she really wanted, just out of reach, taunting her. When she filled up her potty chart she got the barbie. It didnt take her long at all. She was almost 2.
Katelin was pretty much the same as that, only we used a "baby Chou Chou." She did great and was barely 2.
Alissa was harder. We thought after the first 2, we found what worked, but she was not interested at all in going, no matter what. With her, it was more a matter of waiting until she wanted to go. She was almost 3. It took a lot more accidents and patience, but she finally decided to do it, partly because her big sisters did it, and because Zack was a baby in diapers and she wasnt a baby anymore I think.
Zack was definately the hardest! We tried all the motivations and bribes we could with him, and it was only temporary. He would go for a day or two, and then regress back. Then he finally went, so he could earn his coveted toy, and after he got the toy...he stopped. Maybe he is just smarter than the girls were. Why keep going after you get what you want, right? Pooping was always his downfall. He would never poop in the toilet. And no, we dont use pull-ups either, except at night and when we go places because I dont want to deal with an accident in the middle of the store! So I was so sick of washing out poopy underwear! Then we started trying the approach of taking AWAY toys when he pooped in his underwear. Soon, I had a whole collection put up, and he was still not pooping in the toilet. I dont know what finally got him to go, but I think it ultimately just had to be his descision. When he decided he wanted to do it, he did. I do think positive praise and telling him we "are proud of you" when he did poop in the potty had a big impact (rather than the negitive attention he got when he didnt). He is just now 3, and finally has it down, even at night. (knock on wood!)
We use the potty rings that go on top of the toilet as well, but even those are gross...especially with Zack when he aims right into it, and it makes a big mess around the bottom of the whole ring! Its going to be gross no matter what, until they start using the toilet properly. I do agree with you that they are capable of doing it by 3 though. That was always our deadline too, even though the last two cut it close. But Im more convinced now that you just have to wait until they are ready. Thanks goodness mine decided to do it by 3 though!
Good luck! Im not a fan of potty training either and I still have one more to go! Ughh. So heres hoping its an easy ride for you!
I'm a comment stalker and this one's for Valerie.
I had the same thing with my little boy. We left his clothes on him (with a pull up, not underwear) and had him sit on the toilet while he took care of his business, that way he got used to doing it in the bathroom and on the toilet. Eventually he got over his fears, but it took a few months.
I am all for bribes, but that doesn't work either. Catherine, that is a good idea I haven't tried yet. I work with little kids and I've noticed that it is mostly boys who have this problem. I agree that it is a fear thing. I will try to get him to sit on the toilet with his diaper, but he is pretty adamant about hiding in his room and instructing us not to look at him for now, haha!
We have a toilet topper that I love. We got it at Lowes. And instead of a regular toilet seat that has the cover and the toilet seat, ours has an extra toilet seat for kids. So you don't have to take it on and off and find a place for it, it just stays on the toilet.
Valerie,
If you use a little toilet, ( I know the're totally disgusting, but desperate times call for desperate measures =D ) you could try putting it in his room with him. Just leave it up to him whether or not he sits on it, but at least it's there.
Good Luck.
Well, she did it again. Last night I was trying to convince Seth to go get Alex washed up and out of the tub even though Alex was calling for me. Seth wasn't interested, until we heard Alyssa shout out, "Chloe has her diaper off and it's poopy." Seth jumped like he was on fire and ran to the bathroom while calling out, "I'm getting Alex out of the tub." I guess it's time to potty train this kid, or at least follow her around the house.
Thanks for all the weigh-ins. Sounds like no one loves potty training.
Kory, I totally agree with the buy lots of underwear and throw the poop accident ones away. Too nasty to wash, but I think straight to undies makes the whole process go so much faster,
Makinzee, part of me says a diaper free summer would be nice and the lazy part of me says that I don't want to be at the zoo, the beach, the park, on a walk, and trying to find a toilet with a newly potty trained kid. I guess I should have done it this winter while we were trapped indoors.
Cheryl, I agree that when kids won't potty train it is about control more than ability, and every parent has to pick their battles. Potty training is a battle that is hard to wage when you are pregnant or have a newborn. I mostly think prizes are a distraction, but giving Abi a "privilege" when she was completely potty trained was a good idea. It wasn't for every little trickle of pee. It was for graduating from a phase in her life and getting big girl privileges. Plus, it was a win-win. She got the control of deciding how and when to potty train and you got her out of diapers.
Val, Alex told me the other day that boys don't have to wipe because their underwear knows how to wipe for them. I try not to think about all the dribble that comes with boys. Alyssa was afraid to poop in public bathrooms and twice when she was crying and in horrible pain, I made her. I held her hands and told her we were not leaving until she went. I felt bad, but she was hurting herself and causing constipation and pain. She still won't go at school because they don't have wipes.
Emma, I want a potty training maid...no fair!
Heather, I use pull ups at church or when we are on road trips too, just to be safe but for at home or quick trips out I stick with undies. Pull ups are good as a safety net but not full time because then they get used as a diaper. and I agree that potty rings are pretty nasty, but those kiddy toilets are the worst. I used that one time and thought that I'd rather change a diaper than ever clean a bucket of poop again. Yuck!
Catherine, I am glad you are a comment stalker. So am I. Having a conversation in the comments is my favorite part of blogging. I also hope it means that your baby is recovering from her hospital stay...and since I know you read comments...can you tell Leslie to post something oh her blog please.
Anyhow, fun weigh-in. I always get nervous but everyone always plays so nice. I guess I just know cool people!
Oh and Catherine, I want that kind of potty ring. How cool. It is nasty to take the kid one on and off, especially when you have a boy and when you remove the seat it drips on you. I am heading to Lowes to find that potty ring. Thanks!
Don't worry. One of our docs once told us that, even in societies that don't potty train (guess they run around naked and just go wherever they are!), that by the time a child is 7, they have managed to follow the cultural norms. Only 4 1/2 more years!!
we do mostly the same.
No pull up, just undies
no prizes
no punishment
and waited until Boston asked.
HOWEVER the first time he pooped I cheered so loud I scared him He went in a diaper until the diapers ran out. So I got one prize he really wanted for a poop. If had an accident we took it away. The next success he got back. That stupid train saved my life.
Oh, and because Boston was scared and holding it, I totally gave him a half dose of benefiber a day. Kept things moving.
Just don't do more, my friend had a serious mess
Thanks Catherine, that is a great idea!
Julie, I am cracking up at what Al said, he always has the best lines!
That was fun, although it brings back so many memories! Potty training is so not fun! I don't have any ideas different from what I've seen here, but I'll be tuned in to hear the updates on that little monkey you've got... :o)
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