Today my inbox had an inquiry about my well-being. It just said are you ill?, but I knew what was meant. What was meant was, what's up with the blog?
First of all, yes I have been mildly under the weather for the past few days, but I seem to be on the upswing now. I even went shopping this morning, but it did leave me very dizzy. I am mostly better though, and eating again.
Being ill had nothing to do with the silence that has overtaken the blog. I honestly haven't even thought about it, at all.
I have gone back and forth about quitting the blog since the first of the year. I am just not entirely sure I want to do it anymore. I could become more of a "normal blogger" and just update a couple times a month, but that is so not me. I am all or nothing. I always have been. I do something, fully committed, or I don't. That's it. I have thought that I could try to be less like that, but I doubt my 34 year old personality is capable of such an adjustment.
A few weeks ago, we went to downtown Chicago. One of my favorite things to do. My mind was racing, and drafting all the magical things I could say about Chicago, and then I came home and didn't do it. I didn't feel like it. I felt like my life has been on display, and you have all had a good glimpse, and now I might just want it back. Is that selfish?
Then when I got that e-mail this morning, I thought about the reasons I blog. I love having a place to journal and preserve memories, but I could do that privately. So, why do I share so much, so often with the whole wide world? Okay, really just 15 of you, but it is accessible to the whole world.
I have expounded on why I blog before, so I will not go in to it now. You know I like the blogging community and the relationships it has encouraged. I also still have lots of people I want to tell you about for Mary Poppins Monday, and lots more weigh-in's I want to hear your opinion on. This has been one of my favorite hobbies, ever. Yet, I am suddenly feeling really over it.
I can't quite seem to pull the plug though because there are so many of you who I would miss too much. I know, I could do Facebook, but I don't think it would suit me very well. Blogging is more personal and real, to me. And you all know I am too wordy to post a simple one-liner on a Facebook page.
Maybe this is nothing more than a February funk that I'm in. I do not love February. I know I need Februaries, literally and figuratively, so that I can appreciate the March (or June if you live in WI) that is around the corner. But in the moment I never love February very much. January is okay because the holiday spirit is still simmering, but by now the whole world has frozen over, and it has been too cold for too long.
Maybe it has nothing to do with the cold and I am just sick of myself. My posts are too long, and too frequent and I am on my nerves. See how this post just keeps getting longer?
And maybe this is nothing. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and once again be monologuing in my head, and I will want to share it.
Maybe? We'll see.
Second Week of School
3 years ago
13 comments:
I know what you mean. I am always thiking about changing my blog so that only i can see it. I like what you and Leslie say about blogger should be called bragger. I try hard not to brag on my blog, but sometimes I think that I should do my blog for only me and my kids and brag to my heart's content so that my children know how wonderful I think they are. And i wonder sometimes why I really blog.
Anyway I hope that this is just a February funk for you, because I really do enjoy your blog and your all or nothing personality.
I wish I could see you guys every day. Yeah, I know you probably don't wish that but I do. I wish on Mondays maybe once a month we could do FHE together. I wish on Tuesdays I could take Alyssa to dance lessons and on Wednesdays I could take Alex to soccer practice and on Thursdays I could take Chloe to mommy and me (grandma and me) swim classes at the Y, maybe Friday night off but on Saturday we could go shopping for Easter clothes for the kids (or whatever is coming up at the time), watch Alex play soccer, watch Alyssa dance and take Chloe to the park. Then on Sundays, once in a while I could go to your ward and watch the kids in primary and we could have Sunday dinner together. This is how I thought it might be, how I wish it could be. My memories of my grandmother and all the time I spent at her house are some of the best memories I have, napping in her outdoor swing, picking avacados, dancing with her mannequin while she sewed away on her machine making clothes for me and long walks with Grandpa. I miss you guys every day but reading the blog gives me a chance to share your life on an on-going basis. Either way, love you guys and missed you this week, which is why, of course I inquired about your health. Sometimes life is like the game Chutes and Ladders, don't you think? Mom
I totally know how you feel. Maybe it's the getting close to 200 posts blues. I don't know. Whatever you do, your blog is your baby, it can be whatever you shape it to be. And it can change from month to month or day to day. Any way you post it, I love reading your blog. I'm glad you're feeling better though!
Oh, please don't quit! I've been checking your blog obsessively for five long days since your last post. If you go, it'll be like Bill Waterston quitting Calvin and Hobbes at the top of his game. Then you'll be famous and immortal, but I'll miss you too much.
How are we going to keep up our virtual contact if I can't peer deep into your soul? I love your kids and I'll miss them too. Chloe was getting really exciting lately too, with her recent streak of naughtiness. I love a little girl pistol.
Of course, you could write me long emails with pictures attached three or four times a week. Because that's what I'm going to need if you quit. :) Just something to keep in mind. Oh, and sorry you were under the weather. Come out to the sunny west for a visit! We've got little green buds on our lilac bush already. Spring is just around the corner; we just don't always know which corner. But I guess you live in WI, you know all about corners and springtime.
Don't quit unless you want a spanking from an older, tougher cousin, not to mention the risk of having your tongue shot off by another.
Oh, Julie, I can so relate. You'll notice gaps in my blogging, too, every once in a while. I get burnt out often especially after doing it for over 6 years. However, I have my fans (ha, just kidding, I really mean my friends and family) to think of. We have no family here (and many of our close friends live out of state), so the blog is really the only way I know how to keep them all up-to-date at their own convenience (without bogging down their email inboxes and without having to write/mail/stamp letters).
I hope you don't give up entirely because one day we will be moving again (sniff, sniff), and I will SO need to a way to keep up with you guys regularly.
I also hope you are feeling better. I tried to get ahold of you today about getting these pesky kids together, but I guess you were avoiding me again.
PLEASE don't quit. I echo your mom's comments--this is how we stay in touch with your family. The Sunday phone call that lasts about 3 minutes just isn't enough. I need to see the pictures of the kids and hear about what's going on with them and with you. And your testimonies echo in my soul. We can't be together physically, but at least this keeps us together virtually.
Julie, I totally understand. Since the beginning of the year, I haven't felt like it either. Can you get to the point where you've said everything you want to have said? And it does get tiring being on display and then second guessing some of the things you said. Privacy is nice but understandably connection is too. I would hate for you to lose your connection with all these people. So keep blogging.
Though I think blogging a little less would free you up a bit and wouldn't mean you're only going half way.
I get what you're saying. I've been feeling somewhat the same lately. I'm chalking mine up to winter is stupid and I need to feel the warmth of the sunshine before I loose my mind!
I really like keeping up with people's blogs and then sometimes I really like secluding myself and ignoring everything.
I say take the internet off the hook until you're ready for it and then type something. No pressure.
I say just type when you feel like it and don't when you don't. I was also checking and about to email you to see why the blog froze.
I especially like the blog since we can't have our 3-4 hours of phone time anymore, can't wait until June or July when we can resume those again!
You do what you need to do... but I would miss your blog so much!
I feel like I've gotten to know you through the blog. I love your weigh in days and your everyday posts.
Oh and I know you thought your JAJ posts were going on for too long but I loved reading them.
You are so fun to read and I look forward to every post from you.
I echo Jen with the thought that most of us probably won't live here forever and if you stop blogging we won't be able to keep up with you!
A little writer's block is normal for all great writers, so don't worry! :o) Look how sad we all would be if you closed up shop--please don't! Sorry you've been sick, and I have totally got that "I don't know how much more winter I can take" thing going on over here, but somehow we always get through it, right?
Julie, your blogs inspire the rest of us and for that I love you. I love reading about your family, and your life, and your philosophies and everyone else's on the weigh-ins, and because of that, you are no bragger, but a true blogger. I feel bad we missed out on the Chicago experience through your charm and wit. But that's okay. Blogging is, after all, a social network and not a life commitment.
But can I be a little selfish and hope you kick out of the February blahs come April and decide you really do miss the writing?
Or sooner. A lot sooner?
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