Mary Poppins Monday, Grandma King

Alright so I am going to try to recap my talk from Grandma King's funeral. I have so many stories and memories that I did not have time to share at the service, which I am tempted to add here but I am going to try to stay true to my outline. Of course it won't be exactly the same and it may not be funny in the parts that were funny or serious in the parts that were serious. As much as I love writing, I find that it is very hard to take words that were once spoken and give them the same weight on paper, but here it is. More or less.

GK meeting Alyssa at 6 weeks old.

And at 8 months.

***************************************************************
Ten years ago I boarded a plane to California with my six week old daughter. My first child. I was taking her to meet her namesake.

A few days ago I once again boarded a plane to California with that same child to celebrate the life of a woman whose name she has carried for a decade.

And today I want my daughter to know why she carries this name. I want all of my children to know, because if I can give Grandma King to them then she hasn't really gone.

My grandma didn't fit the mold. She absolutely redefined it. She was not the cooking, baking, crafting and cuddling type. The first time I even hugged my grandma was at my Grandpa King's funeral. But love is not in the giving of hugs. It is in the giving of yourself and so I knew that Grandma King loved me.

As children of divorced parents we relied heavily on both sets of our grandparents for stability. We would show up on the GK's doorstep and beg to stay the night, and the weekend and even the week if it was summertime and they never closed their doors on us. I have such fond memories of those nights, and weekends turned in to weeks.

I remember lots of restaurant visits. Grandma King did not cook and her fridge usually held nothing more than a gallon of milk, and maybe some hot dogs that she would cut up and put on toothpicks for us to snack on, and the pantry never housed anything but a bag of puffed rice cereal. So we went out for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I remember hours of playing dress up in GK's clothes and pulling down all her beads and spraying every single bottle of her perfume and then asking her to take pictures of us. I remember silly little things that made me happy like the funny fish shaped electric scissors and the bowl of Sunkist fruit gems that always sat on the coffee table. But what stands out to me the most as I look back on those visits was my grandma sleeping on the couch. Valerie and I would sleep in the guest bed and Jeff would sleep in her little twin bed in the room with Grandpa King and she would take the couch, no matter how long we stayed, even though it hurt her back. Grandma King was always thinking of us, and never of herself.

Even when we weren't overstaying our welcome on Dinsdale Street our grandparents were thinking of us. We were latch key kids so they would sneakily drive by our house after school to check on us. I caught them so many times, that I suspect they may have even done it every day. They always claimed that they were on their way home from the store. Our street wasn't exactly the most direct route home from the store but I never questioned them. I just stored their love and was thankful that someone was looking out for me.

Along with those drive by visits , one day a week the GK's picked us up after school and took us for a late lunch/early dinner. They would pick us up at home until we started High School and then they would pick us up right at the school. Every week I would remind GK that I would meet her in front of the school but she was a bit of a worrier and a bit overprotective (now you know where I get that from). Even though I tried to get out to the car quickly I never got there quickly enough to beat Grandma King's panic and I would find her walking around the school. Little 4 1/2 foot Grandma King, elbowing her way through High School students looking for us and stopping to ask people if they knew us. Pretty soon everyone recognized her and every week my friends would race to see how many of them could find me to tell me my grandma was looking for me again.

She became legendary in the Warren High School drama room as well. I was a drama geek so for a few months each year I would have after school practices. If this caused me to miss a lunch date they would always bring me something and Valerie would volunteer to run it in because she had a huge crush on one of my drama friends. But sometimes, even when it wasn't lunch date day, I would hear a tap on the drama room door and then see my grandma peeking her little head in the giant door. She would be delivering Burger King or Rice Krispie treats (because that is the one and only thing she cooked). And while she was there she always took the opportunity to express her opinion as well...this is a long day for a young girl and she needs to eat something! With working parents it was so nice to know that someone was worried about something as trivial as my afternoon snack.

My grandma was such a blessing throughout my childhood but I moved away from California when I was 17, 20 years ago, and I have never had the opportunity to live near my grandma again. Of course I always went to visit her when I was in town and Valerie kept me up to date and made sure that I never missed a good Grandma King story but it was not the same as living nearby.

So I am very thankful for the time that I got to spend with my grandma right after my mission. I came home for almost 2 months. I had the blessing of being able to go and spend time with GK every week. I would take her grocery shopping, which was always a riot. She would refuse to let me push the cart, though I suspect that that was partly because it was holding her upright. She could barely see over the top so I had to watch closely to make sure we didn't take anyone out, and she didn't want help getting things down from shelves either so she would just reach up and knock stuff over in to the basket. After that adventure we would go out to lunch, always La Barca, and then just wear out the day at her house, chatting and snacking on all the treats that she insisted that I must want at the store. This was right before she moved to Leisure World so I would drive her over to do paperwork or for interviews and she would worry the whole way about how her hearing aid was working and whether or not it would cause her to fail her interview. I loved spending these days with GK and I always felt bad when she refused to let me leave without gas money. I tried to tell her that I enjoyed coming over and that she had already treated me to lunch but she insisted. I think she thought my visits were a chore, but they were a gift.

One day she asked me to come over so that she could give me something. She had an old set of silverware that she wanted to pass on to me before I got married. We spent the day polishing silverware. I knew I would never use it. I didn't dare risk having it go down the garbage disposal or having kids dig holes in the yard with it, but I treasure the time polishing it by my grandma's side and talking about getting married.

GK loved Seth. She told me all the time how well I had chosen and how much she liked him, but since she was nothing if not 100% candid she did make sure to tell me that he "touched people way too much". Seth is not a King and so he does not understand the nothing more intimate than a one armed side hug rule, but she loved him and we all smiled when he dragged her out on the dance floor at our wedding and made her dance with him.

Along with so many memories there are many things I will always remember about who GK was.

She was smart. I was always amazed at how much she knew. How she could school anyone at Jeopardy. How she had read everything, remembered everything and kept up with even current events and politics her entire life. My brother in law Dave was always so impressed that she did the NY times crossword puzzle in pen. One time he was remarking on how impressive this was and my dad, who does not like anyone to have brain power more impressive than his own, claimed that he could do the NY times crossword too. GK didn't even give him half a second to rest comfortably with his own pat on the back before she responded with, "not in pen, Bill."

As you might have guessed from that last story, GK was funny. In a childhood that was often more serious than childhood should be, she offered comic relief. She was unnaturally quick witted and even though her witticisms were often at our expense I laughed out loud every single time I was with her. All of us King kids like to believe we have inherited some of her ability to make people laugh, but none of us could compete with her.

GK was strong and independent. For someone who was 4 1/2 feet tall and never drove a car she sure hated to ask for help. If you ever tried to grab the check at a restaurant you were likely to get smacked. And you'd better not even think about grabbing her to-go box to carry to the car for her. You'd have better chances wrestling a cub from his mother. She would struggle to balance her box in one hand and handle her walker with the other because she was just that stubborn.

She was even stubborn about having a child named after her.

When I took Alyssa to California the first time she oohed and ahhed over her and then asked me why I gave her that horrible name. I tried to explain but she was not one to sit back and enjoy a good compliment so she cut me off and assured me again that the name was simply awful. After a few minutes she said, "you know, if you were going to insist on naming her after me, you could have chosen my middle name Elaine. It's a much better name".

I knew that was her stubborn way of telling me that she was honored.

But I am not sure she ever fully understood.

So Grandma King, I named her after you because I hoped she would be like you. Because I love both the name and the stubborn, funny, beautiful, smart, generous woman who brought it to life for me.

And I am blessed to find that you live on, not only in her, but in each of my children.

In Alyssa Corrine, who shares your name, your dark brown eyes and always stands about a head shorter than her classmates, but also shares your intellect and is smart way beyond her ten years.

In Alex, my baby boy who looks like your baby boy and shares your self deprecating humor, along with being generous and selfless to a fault.

And in Chloe. Now Grandma King, I know that you gave me a rough time about having a 3rd baby. I know you thought that was an awful lot of kids and you weren't afraid to tell me so, but you see, I needed Chloe because she had the rest of the pieces of you. She is feisty, independent and stubborn but strong and hysterically funny.

So thank you for being my grandma. For sharing 37 years with me and for leaving so much of you behind that you will never really be gone.
***************************************************************

*Can I also just tell you a few things that stood out to me from the other talks.

I will never forget working with Valerie the night before the funeral. We wanted to help each other convey the messages that we had about Grandma King and make sure that our messages complimented each other and more importantly, honored her.  We laughed and cried and it was amazing to go through this experience together and so therapeutic when we came down from the podium and knew that we had done something that was really hard for someone we really loved. I can't explain it, but it was such an honor to be able to participate.

Valerie does not like me bragging on her talk but I thought it was about the cutest concept I had ever heard. She used the book The Giving Tree and related it to her relationship with my grandma throughout the years. It was perfect! She went through each phase of life and then focused on the last few years and compared it to when the boy comes back to the stump to sit and rest, and how her and my grandma formed a close friendship in those years and even how she was giving on their last visit, scooting over with her broken hip so Val could sit, giving her her hospital lunch, etc.,  I can't give it words because it is not my story but it was really heartfelt and beautiful.

My dad did the eulogy and I learned that my grandma graduated HS 2 years early and went to college. She was a very private person so she never told us anything like that. He also recalled growing up with her as a mother and once again we were reminded that him and Alex are the same person, both over thinking and worrying and both momma's boys. But my favorite part of his talk was when he talked about Jesus Christ. My grandma was not religious and I never even heard her mention God. She had a Bible and a picture of Jesus and that is all I had to go on when trying to figure out her faith. My dad talked about how she was not religious but inherently Christlike. How she came here to take upon her the burdens of others without a thought for herself and how she can now go and finally be received by one whose heart is bigger than hers. I loved that parallel.

I also loved when her sister Virginia spoke briefly. She read a scripture and prayed but she also talked about  her love for her sister and how she will miss their 2 hour phone calls. It made me happy that they stayed BFF's even though they lived long distance for 72 years. But it also made me sad because I miss my sisters. I relate to those long weekly phone calls and while it is awesome to stay close even through the distance it is also heartbreaking to think of doing that for 72 years. I so miss my sisters, and brothers, or course.

Look how I selfishly made this about me with that last paragraph. Let me get back to the point. It was an absolutely beautiful service. I don't think GK ever knew how much of an impact she made in the lives of those she loved. My dad said in his talk that she may not have been larger than life, but she was larger than her life and I think that was evident as her loved ones remembered her and I hope that she finally knows how valuable her life was to those of us who were blessed to share it. Love you GK!