Musings and Pics from the Cali Trip

I am not entirely sure how to do the CA catch up. I guess I will start by sharing pictures and just going through my visit? I also want to tell you about the talks at the funeral. I had the privilege of speaking and I hope to be able to convert my notes into a written tribute, but that is harder than you might think because I never write a talk so I am not 100% sure what I said, and speaking carries such different emotion than writing. But I was honored to speak and I want to try to capture some of what I said to pass on to my children, as well as highlight some of what my dad and Valerie said because I think they nailed it. So I will try and work that out, but for now let me tell you about the rest of the journey.

Saturday, the 24th Valerie called to tell me that GK fell and broke her hand and her hip and had surgery. Grandma King was 92 and inhabited a tiny little 4 1/2 foot frame so the idea of that kind of surgery frightened me, but when Val went to see her on Sunday she looked and felt great. Her only concern was how she would shop. She hated to be a burden to other people and I am sure the idea of weeks of bedrest and rehab made her crazy, but she was so tough and when Val said she looked great I was sure she would rebound.

Then she had a mild stroke and my first thought was to panic but then Val called again to say that she slurred her speech for a couple hours and then was good as new, no internal bleeding or anything and I remembered that my grandma is the toughest lady ever and was sure she would be okay.

After I dropped Bob at the airport on Tuesday and had my house to myself again, I knew I needed to call the hospital and send flowers. So I was confused when I got home and Seth called from work to say he wanted to fly me out to see Grandma King ASAP. I told him I was afraid to do that because that might scare her and make her think I thought she was dying. I hung up and was trying to decide what to do when my dad called from Germany. He was flying home. I told him Seth wanted me to go too but asked him if would make her think she was dying and I was shocked when he answered with, I think she might be. We talked about confinement to her bed at that age with that little body and he helped me to see that this could really be the end so I told him I would fly out to see her. And then I clicked over to my other line where Valerie told me that Grandma King had passed away, peacefully in her sleep.

I was grateful that she did not have to suffer anymore, because her body had caused her pain for many years, I was grateful that she did not have to endure prolonged bedrest because oh boy, she would have hated that. I was grateful that she was coherent and lucid until the very end. It really was the best way to go, but it didn't stop me from grieving. It was so sudden and she was such a vibrant force in my life and I couldn't stop my heart from breaking, in spite of what I knew was best for her.

They started planning for a Monday funeral but I knew I needed to get out there right away to be with Valerie. The rest of us live far away but her and GK have been the best of friends and I knew that we couldn't grieve properly unless we were together, reminiscing through laughter and tears. Me and Alyssa left at 5:00 on Wednesday morning and arrived in CA at noon.

Since it wasn't a typical vacation we didn't do vacation-y things. We mostly just hung out and talked. I even got to watch Luke and Audrey while Val worked, which was awesome. I don't usually get to do those every day type things with them, only now I love them more than ever and miss them terribly.

Anyway, here are a few random pictures.

We stayed a few nights at my mom's and a few at Val and Dave's. My mom was actually in Vegas most of the time but we did see her long enough to get this cute nap with Audrey picture.

We did take a break to attend the family Christmas event at Valerie's work. She works at a gorgeous winery and they put on a really nice event.










This was a horse drawn trolley ride through the vineyard. Nice pose Luke.

My dad flew in from Germany and had a billion things to do so he asked if me and Val could get pictures ready for the service. Since I am a confessed photoholic I was so excited for this assignment. We went through pictures for hours and had so much fun blowing up tiny old 3x4 black and whites at Kinkos and creating collages. I also had to take a pic of this pic of my dad, because well, you can probably figure out who it looks like to me.

And this was my absolute favorite picture we found. It was teeny-tiny and badly stained but we blew it up and cut out most of the damage for the frame. GK did NOT like to be photographed but I love that someone caught this candid shot of her with her boys. She looks so happy. FYI: The baby is my dad. My dad always says I look like GK and I see it a little bit, but I think Valerie looks just like her.


The all black and white frames was my favorite. I love the top right shot of her and my grandpa. Aren't they cute? They were so tiny...him at 5'2 and she says she was maybe 4'11 at her tallest point...maybe?

My mom has a friend who once made me a photo tile so I asked if she could make one for the funeral so my mom sent this in lieu of flowers and I thought it was very pretty.


The only pic I took at the viewing, other than the pictures of the pictures was this one of my nephew Leo, who I had never met. Cuteness, right?

And then at the funeral. It is hard to take pictures at a funeral but I got just a couple at the gravesite. However, the picture I will always hold in my mind, is not in my camera. It was when my uncle and my dad went up to say goodbye to their mom before the casket was closed. It was beautiful and heartbreaking.

My King brothers are right up front, Jeff and Michael.



My brother Michael conducted the service in his Air Force uniform. I loved seeing him and can't wait til he moves to ND so I can see his wife and little boys....only 14 hours away...lots closer than Germany.





Kings never pose so thanks to Dave for not pretending he didn't see my camera. Can I embarrass Val and Dave for a second, too? They never talk about it but they invited GK to live with them a few years ago when she needed live-in care and she almost did it but didn't want to be a burden and didn't want to leave her house but even without her in their home they were a huge support to her over the past few years. They fought for her whenever they did not like the care she was getting, and they went to visit often, bringing her little treats and lots of happiness. I honestly believe they changed her life and I could see how much happier and less lonely she felt. I love you both and I know you will hate to be called out because you were just loving her the way she had loved you but it was a game changer for her so thank you!

Michael, Val, Dave, Nen and Jeff. Nen was GK's caretaker years ago and even after she stopped live-in care she would visit her often and my grandma considered her a daughter. About a year ago when a few caretakers did not work out she offered to come back and care for her full time again. She was tired and it was a lot of work but she loved my grandma and we all saw and appreciated the sacrifice that she made and the happiness that she brought to GK's life.



While I am embarrassing people, here is my sister Kristen who would visit GK with Valerie. She is not a King so GK was not actually her grandma but she would go to watch Val's kids so that Val could visit with GK. My sister Kelly (also not a King) used to drive me over and do the same thing when she lived in CA and I am grateful to both of them for loving us and our grandmother.

The first time in ages that all of my dad and Linda's kids have been together. This is the original Mocking (half of us our Mocks and half Kings) bunch.

My uncle Greg and his kids.

My Grandpa King...who we lost 15 years ago.

We also paid a visit to my Uncle Rick who we lost to cancer last year.

And here are 4 of my mom's kids with her parents, our Nonnie and Papa.

And Grandma King....the last of my grandparents to be laid to rest. I can't tell you how much that is pulling at my guts and my tear ducts as I type it. I lived 1/2 mile from both sets of grandparents and they were so involved in my upbringing and so much a part of me that it was really painful to lose each of them individually and even harder to comprehend that all of them have now gone. But I do not believe that any children have been more blessed when it came to grandparents than we were and I thank God for that.


I am so grateful that I was able to make the trip to CA. It was truly a spiritual experience and I am grateful to Seth for taking care of things at home, along with those who helped him. He had 5 days bereavement from work but had to go in one day to do year end reviews and my friend Kennon stepped in to help with Chloe. And Kira who took my kids while he was at Sunday meetings and took them to church with her, and also had them on Tuesday when I got home from my delayed flight. Tuesday morning Seth had to fly to Ohio and I was supposed to land an hour before he took off so we would cross paths at the airport but since I was delayed, he was gone when I flew in and Kira gladly kept the kids again. And LeShel who showed up on my doorstep 10 minutes after I finally got home. I was so tired after 2 sleepless nights and a delayed red eye flight and I was wondering how I would get through the rest of the day when she arrived with Enchiladas, chips and queso, rice and chocolate chip cookies, all my favorites just ready to be popped in the oven at dinner time. It was really hard to say goodbye to family and get on that plane and I bawled as she left when I thought of all the people here who love me and have become family to me. Have I embarrassed enough people yet in this post? I don't mean to, but I really am very thankful!

Seth will be home tonight and I will try to find some time to convert my talk in to words so that I can share Gk with all of you.