Touching Heaven

Hey moms, have you ever had one of those days -and you can admit it, because I am about to-where you are more adult supervision, than an actual mom? You are sick, or tired, or overwhelmed, or it has been winter for 7 months and you are out of ideas? So you take care of the kids basic needs and then turn them over to the TV, or each other?

I do that sometimes. Then I usually feel guilty for wasting the few short years I have with my kids, and vow to be the best mom ever from then on out...and then I do it again, more often than I care to admit. I botch up my role as a mother so often, but that is a subject for another day. The point of today's post is this. This morning I declared today a guilt-free, adult supervision day.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with cramps, something that used to regularly take me out of commission (think nauseous, dizzy, weak, puking, passing out, would rather be in labor) but has not been a problem since I've had kids. Hallelujah! Until now. This was mild compared to past bouts, but I was still pretty wiped out.

The battle plan for today called for blankets and cartoons.

The first attack on my plan came when Chloe woke up at 5:30. I was really hoping that she would sleep in so that I could lay down after the other two left. Strike One.

Then I had to take Alyssa's forgotten lunch down to the school. Strike Two.

And go get Alex, who got increasingly more sick and feverish as the day progressed. Strike Three.

I was out. I was ready to willingly retire to the dugout, but then Chloe twisted her ankle and needed to be carried around for a few hours, which is challenging when you are trying to tend a sick little boy. Alyssa came home in fits of tears because Alex didn't get off the bus and she needed to be consoled (and showed that her brother was already home safe). The chaos just continued to mount. But it was okay, because I was okay. My body let me do everything I needed to do, and the fatigue that I was sure would swallow my head this morning took a backseat to what needed to be done.

I was suddenly deeply grateful that Heavenly Father took away my cramps for the past 8 years. I had never even thought to return thanks for that before. I always figured it was just something hormonal that happened when I had kids. I know now that it was more than that. And secondly I am grateful that I am not alone in this calling to be a mother. Today I found myself thinking of the words from Angels, by Julie De Azevedo about a mother who is helped through her child rearing years.

When she found herself she was drowning in laundry
Up all night and driving all day
And every few years she would come up for air
In between lessons, carpools, and PTA
But the angels they carried her
Through the fire and the rain
And the angels they carried her
From the end of her rope to the end of the day
And they angels they sang to her
When she thought no one was there
She had wings and prayers
Looking back it's clear
She was touching heaven all those years

I have never felt closer to heaven than I do as a mother. I believe that the heavens do open and send down aid as we take on the awesome responsibility of raising God's children. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for energy that I borrowed from on high today, because I know it was not mine. And I am thankful for angels who sent the sandman to take over, when my strength was up.

At about 3:30 this afternoon, Chloe fell asleep on the couch. She could not be woken for all the world. She was out. This child has not taken a nap in months. Now that summer is over and she is getting up at 6:00 instead of 8:30, I have tried to reinstitute nap time. I have failed. She refuses, and has tantrums, and destroys things. Today she fell asleep, without any effort on my part.

About the same time that she fell asleep, Alex asked if he could lay in my bed. I agreed and carried him in there. I gave him some Tylenol and laid with him for a minute, burning hot and bundled up to his chin in blankets. He began to snore. The next thing I remember is Seth coming home. Chloe was still out for the count. Alyssa was sitting by her side watching TV. Me and Alex were sleeping off our afflictions. I was still zapped so I stayed with Alex for another hour or so, while Seth figured out dinner and a grocery list for the week. When I finally came to, Alex's fever had broken. All was well again.

And despite my best efforts to be guiltlessly lazy, I ended up being a mother today after all. But I was also the child, and I felt the love and the mercy that was sent to me.