Roadtrip Rewind Part One: The Funeral

Even though the funeral was at the tail end of our road trip, I think I will post about it first. It was the reason for our travels, after all.

There is simultaneously so much I could say about the experience, and so much that I could never say.


I suppose that is why I have procrastinated this post.


Anyhow...

We picked up our friend Heather at the airport in SLC on Wednesday the 26th and we all drove up to Wyoming. We met my mother-in-law in Evanston and donated our kids to Grandma for the night. Yes, I actually left them. Then we continued on to Star Valley, where we met up with the Morton's. We all stayed together in a condo in the very tiny town of Afton, WY which neighbors the even tinier town of Smoot, Ryan's hometown. It was so nice to be reunited with my amazing friends for this occasion. It brought new meaning to the scripture "mourn with those who mourn", and added an entirely new dimension to our friendship.

We all headed over to the viewing on Wednesday night. Margie looked beautiful, and it was so good to finally be able to see her in person. I know we have all wished that we could have been there for them during this last year. After the viewing, we were blessed to have Margie come back to our condo and spend a few hours that I will never forget. We laughed and cried and reminisced. We were blessed to hear about the last weeks, days, and even moments of Ryan's mortal journey. I know we had all hoped to comfort Margie, but once again I felt like it was she who comforted and strengthened us. She really is something of a wonder to me. She claims no credit. She will say that she isn't strong and that she only went through this because she had to, and because God helped her. That is partially true. She certainly never RSVP'd for cancer, that just happened. BUT... she didn't have to face it with unwavering faith and optimism. I know Heavenly Father is proud of her.

Thursday we were privileged to attend Ryan's funeral service and celebrate his short, but magnificent, life. It was intense. Our little row was so emotional that I thought at times that those around us were going to ask who we were and if we could please calm down. Although we were grieving deeply, we all agreed that the experience was fiercely spiritual. I felt very close to God and completely assured of where Ryan has gone. I loved hearing people honor Ryan. His daughter, his parents, his siblings, everyone did a beautiful job. I loved that so many of them talked to and about Margie, because truthfully this has been her battle as well as Ryan's.


I connected with so many of the words that were spoken. I could make lists, but that is not my place. However, I will say that I loved when his uncle talked about how it is okay to grieve. You don't always hear that at Mormon funerals but he talked about how grief is an expression of love. He said, "the only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life". That really stuck with me. I realized that even though we were very sad, it is one of the most beautiful emotions in the human experience to grieve. To love others so much that it hurts to lose them. That feeling of grief reminds me that I am a child of God, and part of a much bigger plan. It is more than just animal instinct, it is an expression of my spirit. It was surreal sitting in the funeral service. Even though my heart ached and the tears flowed generously, I felt so close to heaven. I don't even remember being aware of my physical self as I sat there. And what's weird is that even though it pained my spirit to be there, I didn't want it to end because the veil between earth and heaven was thinner than I can ever remember it being.

As the funeral came to a close, I prepared myself for the torturous closing hymn, which I assumed would be God be With you til we Meet Again. (It's a Mormon thing) I knew that would leave my heart very heavy, but the song that was chosen was Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel. I smiled so big. I don't know if Ryan chose the song, but it was SO Ryan. I felt like he wanted us to leave happy, smiling, and to get back to work. There is so much of God's work left to do here. I will forever after think of Ryan when I hear that song, and I will smile.

Next we were off to the cemetery. A tiny little cemetery just down at the end of the long driveway to Ryan's boyhood home. He is surrounded 360 degrees by mountains, such a lovely spot to rest. Watching Margie and the kids say goodbye was so agonizing. My heart burst with love for them, and all I could do was plead with Heavenly Father to keep Ryan near.

The rest of the day was spent at the church luncheon and then over at Ryan's parents house visiting. Again, I didn't want it to end. I felt so good being with these people and it truly felt like a celebration of a life, one SO worth celebrating. I hated to say goodbye to Margie. We were the last to leave. I am the captain of overstaying my welcome. I hate to leave people I love, not knowing when I will see them again. We have learned that you never know what lies around the next turn, for any of us, but I am so grateful that for a moment we were reunited.


And that for a moment I could look at my friend and see that God is with her. It was so AMAZING to see how close our Father in Heaven is to Margie right now. I still wish we lived closer but I know she is in good hands, and I know that she knows it.


Of course running around with a camera seemed mildly inappropriate, but I couldn't resist capturing a few tangible reminders of the day.

Me, Margie, Heather and Katelin...I love these girls!!!

Everyone in this next picture used to live in Wisconsin together. Guess how many still live here? Yep, just us. Sad place to reunite, but it was wonderful to see so many people from the Wisconsin years there.

Seth and Jared saying goodbye to a friend. They look like pretty tough guys, but I assure you that those shades are blocking more than just the sun.

Since Ryan was able to help plan his funeral he left a few notes for the guests.


This one made me cry.

And this one cracked me up.

I don't usually laugh at funerals but Ryan left behind a legacy that you can't help but smile about, and even a few corny jokes to boot. And P.S. Ryan...I didn't know you were allowed to not like funeral potatoes...are you sure you're Mormon?