Raise your hand if you think I talk too much....go ahead, raise it, I can't see you.
Alright, I'll just raise my hand then. I talk too much! I hate it.
Is it because I think I have more profound experiences and ideas to share than everyone else in the room? No.
Is it because I can't stand to listen to other people's boring stories and opinions without interrupting? No, not that either. I actually love other people's stories.
So, why you may ask is it physically painful for me to shut up? I am not entirely sure. I think some of it is genetic. Have you met my parents? If you have you know they dominate conversations as well.
And truthfully I do love to tell my stories and experiences. Not because I think they are the best but just because I love words and stories and emotions. I love to think out loud and explore human nature with my voice.
But perhaps the biggest reason that I talk too much is because I am shy and nervous. I know that seems to make no sense at all but it is true. If you knew me as a child you know that I never said a word. Talking became my tool to overcome shyness. Silence is frightening to me. Appearing that I have nothing to say or contribute is frightening to me. And so I talk, sometimes intelligently and coherently but sometimes I talk just to be talking.
The problem with that is that I ALWAYS go home from EVERY social outing, meeting, playgroup, party, parent/teacher conference, phone conversation, etc. beating myself up for talking too much. I go over every lame thing I said and analyze how I might have offended someone or even worse, annoyed them. I am always terrified about what people likely say behind my back. It is excruciating.
So I always resolve that the next time I will sit back and listen and only open my mouth when I have thought of what I want to say in advance. I have never succeeded. Even this very blog becomes quite annoying to me sometimes because I feel like I post more often than everyone else and my posts are too long. I am always afraid that I look really self-absorbed to everyone around me.
I'm not. At least no more so than anyone else.
If you are my friend, thanks for being my friend even though I probably bug you. And for putting up with my nervous habit. Just know that I do care about you and I do care about your feelings, thoughts and opinions. I am sorry that I hold all of you prisoner so often with my fat mouth.
And for the moment, I will SHUT UP!
15 comments:
You don't talk to much. You are not self-absorbed...just self-conscious!
I honestly don't think that you talk too much. I enjoy the stories that you do tell and I think you are totally just funny and fun. I hope that you don't start to shut up!
Jules you bring up a very interesting point. For one, I enjoy your blog - it is anything but offensive, annoying or even too much. It is a nice mix between kids and life observations. I can relate to talking too much and worrying afterwards about what I say. I'm reminded of those testimony meetings where people say, "If there is anyone I offended, I apologize" or something to that effect. I always figured I should say in testimony meeting, "If there is anyone I haven't offended don't worry I'll get around to you."
I think the ability to talk a lot or even be offensive can be a good thing. I use it at work all the time. I think with talking you have sort of done the same. You play to your strengths, in doing things that require you to be good at talking. Additionally, I wonder if people get offended too easily, and maybe people need to lighten up.
I'm also impressed with your insightful self analysis. You are right, talking too much is a nervous habit and is usally used to cover an uncomfortable feeling - fear. I also think your solution is right on, to refrain from talking even though you feel like it. Of course that might require some relaxation techniques or something like that, but eventually you will become more comfortable with the fear.
Forgive me if I'm talking too much or being offensive.
I agree with Emily. I've never thought any of those things about you. I have always thought you were intelligent and nice and interesting.
So there.
I for one LOVE your blog (and my daughters' blogs too) because I feel like I am a part of your life. I get to see the grandkids, hear what they do, and that brings me closer to them. And--remember the first time we met?? I don't think you said a word all weekend, and you hid behind Seth. Then, when we stopped at the Farmhouse when you were on your mission, we were amazed at the transformation--from scared girl to eloquent, poised woman! Keep it up! We love you just the way you are.
Hey this is JJ--if you're thinking of conversations we all had at the Dells (which was your most recent social outing, right?), I hope you don't feel self-conscious about THAT!
One thing I liked about our whole group was we could talk openly without worrying about what everyone thinks! Or should I be kicking myself, too!?
Julie,
If you have a lot to say....you have to talk a lot.
Keep it coming.
Dad
You don't talk to much and at least you have something to say and know how to say it, whereas I talk to much and don't have anything to say and am boring!
Just be proud of who you are and dont worry about what anyone else thinks! I do the same thing though...not about talking too much, but I analyze everything I did say and worry about it afterwards. For that reason, I try NOT to talk. Im afraid Ill say something stupid or offensive. But just be yourself! Yah. Your convo is fine.
We all love your stories!! No worries.
so I think you are just copying me with this post. I know I talk to much and to loudly to not be shy. And I am still feeling sick about the stupid things I said to a co worker and a client and my YW president. Shut your mouth Brittney just shut your mouth.
Oh great Brittney, now you've got me all worried about this post.
And to JJ, I wasn't thinking specifically of the Dells although I left there wishing I would have shut up more. I know you all know me well enough not to be offended but I don't want to be rude or annoying either.
And to the rest of you...now I know why I surround myself with the people I do. You all like me enough to not focus on my faults or you just like me enough to lie to me to preserve my feelings.
I don't think you talk too much, but maybe it's because I'm usually still reeling from Jared's foot-in-mouth comments about my being dumpster garbage and making mangy loveys for my children along with so many others.
I can't judge anyone on the talking front because I ramble on incessantly most of the time as well. The fact that you and I were able to get a word in edgewise with each other shows that we both probably talk just the right amounts:)
This was so interesting to me because I actually have the opposite problem. I can never think of anything to say, which in turn makes me come across as stuck up. I know because people have told me so. I always come away from a social encounter thinking how dumb it was that I just sat in the corner without saying a word. I always resolve to be more talkative, but it rarely ever happens. I can actually talk quite a bit in a small cirle of close friens, but put me in a big group and I totally freeze. So keep on talking, your making up for the people like me.
uh, I meant me as a paranoid person not a post I wrote. I'm starting to wonder if we are are same person
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